Monthly Archives: June 2016

Vacation at home!

What a weird feeling. Strange experience. I’m back in Stockholm, in the hippie apartment, with paintings and concrete tables everywhere. Plants and guitars. Circus lights and love. I love this apartment, and walking in I didn’t feel like it had been more then a week since I last was there. The only thing that felt weird was the dining table. It used to be so big. And now it felt so small. As an effort to beat the jetlag we decided to go for a walk up the main street. Get some fresh air to keep us from falling asleep to early. It’s interesting. Two years has passed but the first person I see on the street is the lady with the trolley. She is homeless and walks around with a trolley brimmed with god knows what. Bags and blankets. Every time I see her I wonder what she has in that trolley, and how often she goes through it. Like my dad believes that his body is a carriage, Marie- which is her name, might believe that the trolley is a part of her. She asks for money to buy food and coffee. Two years, and it’s like nothing has changed.

It’s a fun experience to go on a holiday to a place that used to be home. That feels like home in my body. My mum and dad picked us up from the airport. Dad was so excited to tell us he had bought a summer-car, so that we can go places easy when we are here. He is the one person that beats up the price rather than down. It’s a total wreck. Wholes and rust everywhere. And when he proudly shows us the car and open the trunk we see that one tire is completely flat. He brings Adrian along with him to find a gas station with a pump while mum and I are left on the airport parking. Old me would be angry, annoyed and embarrassed. But I can’t do anything but laugh and love. I love them both…so much.

hemmahemhejgymmmmgym

We never question what’s killing us

The rules of society overrules the rules of biology.
It just hit me then, that barely no one is questioning how and why we use and eat things that are slowly killing us, but everyone is questioning you when you are using things and avoiding other, that will make you live longer and healthier.
Basically everything that we are used to, that is normal, things that we doesn’t question, is actually not biologically right, we all know it. And everything that in our society seems like extreme is most likely biologically right to our bodies and minds. We all know that too. Drinking is an obvious example. It’s extremely weird not to drink in our society, it’s not accepted, even if everyone knows that not drinking is better for our body and brain.
It’s extreme to eat only raw, fresh produce chemical free food. People get sort of annoyed if you have a socially “strict” diet, but for our body would be the “normal” and most beneficial diet. Working out everyday is extreme. Not for our body if we work out smart an funktional. If parents are feeding their kids no sugar, no chemicals and no processed food; people react like the parents are taking away their children’s childhood, but biologically speaking what the parents are doing is actually creating the best environment for their bodies and brains to grow. It’s arguably not socially accepted to do what is biologically best for our kids.
Why is it that everything that is best for our bodies, our brains and us is looked upon as socially extreme and “bad”? We are doing things to our body every singe day that is actually destroying our cells and immune system, and causing us diseases. Still people have to justify eating clean and healthy, and no one ever have to justify eating shit and not caring about their health?
What does this say about our society and how we live? I promote love and happiness, and I’ve found that as close to what is natural, not to society, but to the biologically reality I live, the happier, healthier and more energetic I feel.
morgonrock

Stockholm, first time in two years

We are off to Sweden. For three weeks Adrian and I will be cruising down the streets of Stockholm, maybe pop over to Copenhagen if we feel the urge to. I think a lot about what I want to do first. I don’t miss Sweden in particular that much. But there are a few people over there I can’t wait to get my arms around. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Stockholm, with it’s water and buzzing atmosphere in the spring and summer-time. Swedes are like hibernating animals, who sleep-walk through the winter. When spring comes it’s like they’ve all been slapped in the face by the most beautiful hand. A switch happen. In almost everyone’s mood. You can feel it vibrate when you walk the streets of Stockholm. The collective mood of all it’s citizen. Throughout the spring and summer they are connecting. Meeting each other’s eyes, smiling, doing. Living. When the darkness kicks in in company with the cold, eyes stare down on the ground. Disconnect. They rush from A to B without seeing people around them. Without living.
Luckily we arrive when summer meets it’s peak. The day after midsummer; one of the biggest Swedish holidays. The one when we dance around a giant green pole covered with flowers (which symbolizes a dick penetrating the earth). The most classic dance is called “little frogs”. We drink snaps and sing songs to help us all get evenly drunk. People pass out. Vomit. Laugh. It’s the lightest day of the year and before midnight girls are supposed to collect seven different flowers, jump over seven different fences and then put the flowers under their pillow at nigh. The person she dreams of if the one she will marry. (They weren’t gender neutral, and as understanding back when this all started).
So, Adrian and I arrive the day after this whole shenanigan, which means that we can spend the whole first day or two just focusing on mum and dad, since all of the others will be super hang over and probably lack all kinds of endorphins and energy. But that’s totally fine; I think my mum will be satisfied to get her hands on us first.
I can’t wait to see Stockholm and meet everyone I love with my new eyes and calm brain! See you Sunday Stockholm.
SMLXL

When what you’re good at doesn’t feed your soul

Just because you are good at something and comfortable doing it, it doesn’t mean that it feeds your soul. I read this somewhere and I had to write it down. I don’t remember where I saw it. Being good at something and loving to do something is two totally different things. This is something I have to work on constantly, because I tend to easily fall back on what is comfortable, and what I’m good at. I have often been to scared to loose something I love, that I never try to do what actually fulfils me. I think that this might speak to a lot of people. I would be good at many jobs, but there is not many that will fulfill me. Time spent working on/with something that doesn’t feed your soul  takes away a little spark of your life. I think. That’s why I’m on a hunt for a future where what I do constantly nourish my soul, brain and heart.

 I’ve either been to scared to loose or had a lack of trust in my own ability to lead my own life. If you don’t believe that you can do something, If you don’t believe that you have what it takes; you wont! In saying that though, you can create that belief, and when you understand that no one has chosen for you what you can or cannot do; you have chosen it, you can do and achieve whatever you choose to. This might take some time. It mightn’t happen over night. I still argue with the voices of doubt in my head. I bang them down like that mole game, where moles pop up and you slam them down with a hammer. But once you start banging those doubtful moles down it refreshes both you and your confidence. You start a good cycle. Good thoughts feed of other good thoughts and soon you have the perfect mental environment to attract your dream life. By taking small actions in the right direction every day, you soon feel that life is actually for you to live, however you want and choose to.

The key to everything- cold showers!

My love for cold showers keep growing bigger. It is almost magical. I can feel so tired, mentally and physically, and then I have an ice cold shower, and it’s like I’ve woken up from a ten-hour sleep without feeling drowsy. It’s like I’ve had the strongest coffee in the world. Everything feels fresh and clear. I fucking love cold showers! I honestly think that cold showers in combination with a healthy diet and meditation is the key to all good life has to offer. It is life-changing.

 I’ve always sort of known that cold showers are good. You always see athletes standing in the cold water to let their muscles recover, and if you briefly google the subject a lot of research are pointing towards cold showers and increased immune system. But it wasn’t until I heard a Joe Rogan podcast with guest Rhonda Patrick I understood how much cold showers actually affect our bodies and brains. I just got so curious of the benefits of cold therapy. I did a mild cyber-stalk and found Dr Rhonda Patrick’s instagram and website; she is seriously cool. And educating. It’s not just pretty pictures on food; you learn shit about your body and brain from her instagram. Like what kale, broccoli and eggs contain, on a “medical-language-level” that I don’t always understand (read never), and exactly why it’s good for you and what it does to our brain and body. I love to know, even if I don’t always understand it all.

 I found a research Dr Rhonda had done on her website (www.foundmyfitness.com) and just reading it made me understand why I felt so good after taking cold showers. I mean, this is serious shit.  Cold showers, and the even more advanced cold therapy form: cryotherapy has been suggested to improve mood, memory, metabolism, fat burning and improve your endurance training, but also increase a type of hormone in your body witch act as an anti-inflammatory agent; norepinephrine. Norepinephrine and its inflammatory-fighting properties play a big role of deceases of inflammatory such as arthritis and depression. Apparently inflammation decreases the brains release of serotonin, so with the release of norepinephrine it fights the inflammation so that the brain can produce serotonin.

 Norepinephrine is not just a hormone, it also a neurotransmitter which play a huge part in attention, focus and your mood. And when you have low levels of Norepinephrine you generally have low energy and mood. In one of her own podcasts she interviewed Ray Cronise, former material scientist at NASA, now a huge experimental metabolism and nutrition investigator (he is on day 23 on a water fast when the interview is made). He recommend doing 10sec warm shower-20sec-cold, and end on cold shower. It really helps your body experience all of those amazing things.

 If you have cold showers in the morning you get more energetic and focused, but if you have them at night, say one hour before bed, you actually improve your chances of having a “sleep like a log” kind of experience (I totally thought that it made you more awake?). That is if you don’t interrupt your brain with blue light from your phone, computer and tv. But I usually lay down in front of the TV after my cold shower and I still sleep like I haven’t slept for days.  It’s all so cool. If you are interested in this you have to read her article, it will give you so much more than I can explain! Like how cold showers actually effect and improve brain-function and even brain damage. Everything that she does is founded by her readers and listeners through crowd founding. This is the sort of shit I want to support! So today, a casual Thursday like this, I give you the gift of Rhonda Patricks. If she ever read this: Thank You for sharing your knowledge!

 https://www.foundmyfitness.com/reports/cold-stress.pdf

 I run past these crazy people every morning I run. 7.30am in 10(°C). They obviously get it!

Money and old habits

Yesterday, my intention was to try and figure out how my parents have affected the way I think and behave today. But then I got so excited about describing my dad with words that I got lost. I can talk about that silent man, that introvert carriage riding spirit, forever. But recently I’ve started to understand that our unconscious carry a lot of blocks, “knowledge” and habits passed on from our parents. It’s interesting when you just ask the questions: how did your parents view money, health, the aim in life, how they deal with anger, sadness, depression. We’ve inherit so much more than just the obvious behaviours. Maybe we haven’t just inherited, it can affect us in other ways. Block our energy, make us feel guilt, shame or happiness when we do, feel or experience certain things because of how our parents have acted around those subjects.
For me, I’ve recently been investigating how my parents thoughts and behaviour with and around money have affected me. We have never had a lot of money, but we have never not had enough either. My parents have both worked full-time jobs, that they haven’t necessarily felt super passionate about, but they rarely complain about having to go to work. It’s just something you do, without contemplating it, because you have to pay the bills. Neither of them care about material things, nice brands, show off cars or anything luxurious. I’ve got a feeling that they either think that you have love, time for your family and friends or financial freedom (with outlier situations). My dad “gave up” his lawyer job so that he could spend time with the family. Because of how the way they didn’t value good brands or material things, I’ve created a feeling of guilt for wanting certain things. Sometimes I might want something, for them unnecessary’ but instead of feeling happy when I finally talked my way into getting it; I always felt guilty because I knew that my parents would be happier if I didn’t want whatever I wanted. I remember vividly how bad I wanted a tamagotchi. My parent’s told me that it’s just commercial shit (without using the word shit), and that I shouldn’t fall for the advertising. But everyone had one. So I made my own in paper. And I played with it. My mum thought that that was so cute, and for my next birthday; which wasn’t too far away, I got my real tamagotchi. I remember acting happy. But I felt so guilty for having made them go against what they believed was right. I obviously didn’t understand why I felt guilty then, but thinking about it now make me realise that that’s why.
These thought patterns about having to work at a job you might not love in order to pay the bills has followed me all throughout my life. Working so that I can be “free” on weekends and holidays. That is when I truly live. Just acknowledging how and why I believe certain things and bringing it back to how my parents acted around those things make me realise that I can actually do my own thing. I don’t have to adopt their thoughts and ways. Not all of them. There are a lot of things I want to duplicate as well. Like the way they talk to children; like they matter and understand everything, the way they always believed that children can teach adults a lot, their unconditional love and interest in their children, and how they always, in every situation put us first. I want my dads patience. He helped me study, sat down with me for hours from the day I sat my foot in school to the day I twelve years later jumped out of my high school for the last time. But when I sometimes feel guilt, or that my energies are blocked somewhere, I go back and ask what my parents thought about that and see if I’ve unconsciously duplicated a behaviour or thought-pattern that actually isn’t align with the life I want to live.
pappa

Money and emotional inheritance! 

Yesterday, my intention was to try and figure out how my parents have affected the way I think and behave today. But then I got so excited about describing my dad with words that I got lost. I can talk about that silent man, that introvert carriage riding spirit, forever. But recently I’ve started to understand that our unconscious carry a lot of blocks, “knowledge” and habits passed on from our parents. It’s interesting when you just ask the questions: how did your parents view money, health, the aim of life, how they deal with anger, sadness, depression. We’ve inherit so much more than just the obvious behaviours. Maybe we haven’t just inherited, it can affect us in other ways. Block our energy, make us feel guilt, shame or happiness when we do, feel or experience certain things because of how our parents have acted around those subjects.
 For me, I’ve recently been investigating how my parents thoughts and behaviour with and around money have affected me. We have never had a lot of money, but we have never not had enough either. My parents have both worked full-time jobs, that they haven’t necessarily felt super passionate about, but they rarely complain about having to go to work. It’s just something you do, without contemplating it, because you have to pay the bills. Neither of them care about material things, nice brands, show off cars or anything luxurious. I’ve got a feeling that they either think that you have love, time for your family and friends or financial freedom (with outlier situations). My dad “gave up” his lawyer job so that he could spend time with the family. Because of the way they didn’t value good brands or material things, I’ve created a feeling of guilt for wanting certain things. Sometimes I might want something, for them unnecessary’ but instead of feeling happy when I finally talked my way into getting it; I always felt guilty because I knew that my parents would be happier if I didn’t want whatever I wanted. I remember vividly how bad I wanted a tamagotchi. My parent’s told me that it’s just commercial shit (without using the word shit), and that I shouldn’t fall for the advertising. But everyone had one. So I made my own in paper. And I played with it. My mum thought that that was so cute, and for my next birthday; which wasn’t too far away, I got my real tamagotchi. I remember acting happy. But I felt so guilty for having made them go against what they believed was right. I obviously didn’t understand why I felt guilty then, but thinking about it now make me realise that that’s why.

 These thought patterns about having to work at a job you might not love in order to pay the bills has followed me all throughout my life. Working so that I can be “free” on weekends and holidays. That is when I truly live. Just acknowledging how and why I believe certain things and bringing it back to how my parents acted around those things make me realise that I can actually do my own thing. I don’t have to adopt their thoughts and ways. Not all of them. There are a lot of things I want to duplicate as well. Like the way they talk to children; like they matter and understand everything, the way they always believed that children can teach adults a lot, their unconditional love and interest in their children, and how they always, in every situation put us first. I want my dads patience. He helped me study, sat down with me for hours from the day I sat my foot in school to the day I twelve years later jumped out of my high school for the last time. But when I sometimes feel guilt, or that my energies are blocked somewhere, I go back and ask what my parents thought about that and see if I’ve unconsciously duplicated a behaviour or thought-pattern that actually isn’t align with the life I want to live.

 
 

 

My dad lives in a carriage!

Our parents and our past life play a big part in our thinking pattern today. Our thinking habits that create our reality. Or this is what I believe. If we just accept our thinking habits without questioning them, our reality will never change. I won’t be able to do things I’ve been telling myself I can’t. I am what I tell myself that I am. We adopt or get effected of our parents way of living. When we are young we see the world through their reality, through their values. And by the time we start questioning things, we have already created so many habits we are not aware of. But we can bring them into light, by questioning what we are doing, how we are reacting now. Today. Why do I value different things? What did my parents think about that? How is my thoughts connected to the way my parents thought about something?
I love my parents more than anything. They are crazy heads. I’ve told you about my mum who secretly dream about slitting tires of big SUV’s because of the pollution.
My dad is the most unspiritual person who at the same time is the most spiritual one. It’s so hard to explain. He talks about himself in third person. When we were out travelling he “wanted to apologise on the behalf of Arvo (his ugly-cute name) that he was acting so stressed”. He is probably the most unspiritual traveller. Everything is complicated when travelling.
My dad believes that Arvo lives in the carriage that is his body. If you see my dad, or his carriage and him, you wouldn’t guess that this is a person who talks about himself in third person. He is super cute. Have hairy ears if mum doesn’t trim them. They are the cutest couple. Mum is fire. Dad is… mud. Mud in the most beautiful way.
What they have done for me, and how they have put up with me and all my shit throughout the years, is to me fascinating. I mean, I was inside me. So I know. I was in the storm. I was the storm, and I couldn’t escape it. But they had to live with the storm. Day in. Day out. And try to dance all kinds of sun-dances around me. They tried to calm the storm. But the storm could only calm itself.
My parents have done everything for me. They have loved me, trusted me, and believed in me. They have spoiled me, cared for me. They have been angry with me, and I have been angry with them. Oh how angry I’ve been. Phones have been thrown into the wall, books have flown out the window. But they have never stopped trying to figure out how to turn my anger into love. Self love. And love for life.
I know that soon enough I can give back. I give back already. With love, and understanding. I give back with the fact that they can now be calm. Enjoy the calm mind, after the storm. But I’ve got a lot more to give. A lot more to do for, and with my parents. There are no actions in this world that can show how grateful I am for these two freaks of nature. Or three. Mum, Arvo and the carriage he is in. And by the end of this week I can be in their little hippie home in Stockholm and get my feet rubbed and moisturised by mum. Who gets her feet rubbed and moisturised by Arvo and the carriage. Maybe I can rub the carriage’s feet this time, no-one ever does.
SMLXL

 IMG_5708

The most important person in my life, and why…

I found the love of my life. Or he found me. Or we found each other. We were both two semi-lost souls in the beginning, and we found some kind of stillness, a feeling of belonging with each other. Having someone depending on you, trusting you, wanting to create a life with you is an amazing feeling. But it didn’t come without arguments, disagreements, and desperateness. We loved each other but something made us restless and anxious. –Alcohol, and a lack of knowing what life we wanted to live.
We live in a society where drinking with your friends is what you do. So we didn’t question it. The only question each weekend was “where are we going this time?”, not “should we go out for a couple of drinks?” That question didn’t need to be asked. It was obvious. That’s what you do. But love and alcohol rarely create a safe building-ground for love. We figured that out within the first two years of us loving each other. We both started working and hated the feeling of waking up on the Monday morning still feeling tired from the lack of sleep we had got on the weekend. The alcohol had stolen our endorphins. We snapped at each-other. I often cried and wondered where my happiness was. Drinking every weekend made us unhappy.
We wanted to love. Each other and our life. That was all we wanted. All we want. So we gradually started to drink less. The benefits of not drinking  soon started to way heavier than the actual drinking, and not long after we made that change we basically quit. I don’t like to but labels on things, forbidden things can create resentment and unnecessary wants. If I ever want a drink, I’ll have one, but I rarely do. We found that Monday mornings were easier. We were giggly when we woke up. We could genuinely love. Without guilt from having wasted a whole day hung over on the couch, without anxiety, without lack of sleep, and without lost endorphins. Life got easier. Life got better. Love got better.
We started to explore and think about what life we wanted for ourselves. We sat goals and figured out how we will get there. And we support each other. Both of us agreed that if we want to be happy in life, we have to dedicate our time to what makes us happy. We don’t have to work with something we don’t enjoy just because. When one of us feel stuck, the other one help with encouragement and inspiration. We have decided that we don’t have to do anything that makes us feel bad. We don’t have to do things just because other people do them. We only have to do what is right for us, what makes us better and happier people and what is align with our way of living. If people aren’t happy with that, it doesn’t matter; because we always have each other. And our happiness as a couple is more important than other people being satisfied with us.
I look at Adrian, and I know that he is all that I need. And I know that I wouldn’t want to live my life any different if I could. <3
SMLXL

SMLXL

SMLXL

 

My body and diet; a confused subject

love food. Most of us do. Just everything with food make me all excited inside. Melbourne is seriously the best place to live in if you like your food. I can talk about it forever. How mr Miyagi’s nori tacos make me want to slap myself in the face because they are so delicious. And their tempura broccoli. And supernormals lobster slider. The stake at rock pool. Eggplant fries at Leftbank. Matcha mylkbars vegan eggs and the orgasmic artichoke mousse balls at Movida. Just thinking about this make me feel all light headed. Fuck, that China bar buffet in Springvale. OMG.
SMLXL

SMLXL

SMLXL

As amazing as all the Melbourne food is, around my blowouts I try to eat rather clean. I fight many battles in my head, on a daily basis. My brain tells me what I shouldn’t eat, and my body asks for what it needs. I can wake up being happy with my body and go to bed and see a million faults with it. But the more I learn, the more happily I talk to myself and the more love I give my body, the voices of doubt and negativity gets lower.
I do work out a lot, and that makes me hungry. Sometimes I look at what other people eat and I compare it to what I eat and I feel like a rhino. I often think what I can cut out from my diet to shred that extra bit. But then I think what my idea life is. And the most important factor in my ideal life is energy and happiness. I love to feel energetic, I love to workout and I love to eat. Food gives me the potential of being the most energetic version of myself and when I start cutting, obsessing and valuing looks over happiness I fail my ideal life. How I look is important to how I feel, but instead of changing my body and thinking that a shitty percentage less body fat will make me happy, I have to work on being happy with that tiny bit of fat on my body. Because that’s normal. I’ve been super skinny many times, and I’ve never had any energy. I haven’t lived. I know that skinny isn’t happy, so why do I want to be skinny? The thing is that I’m actually happy with my body. I just have a few voices in my head telling me that I can be even happier, if I just… I just have a feeling that those voices aren’t going to bring me any more happiness. They are only going to guide me to a place with less energy, more obsessions and less happiness. It’s funny how you can be happy with your body, and sort of want to change it at the same time.
SMXLL

At the end of the day I eat to nourish my body. I eat to condition my body and give it all the building blocks that it needs to stay strong, energetic, happy, healthy. I eat because I love what I eat. I eat clean, raw and nutrient dense things because I know that is what my body want, and not what my brain craves. I also eat carrots.
SMLXL