A stranger in my own home

When my body and me are disconnected, I feel like a stranger in my own body, my own home. That is when my dream-me is to far from actual-me. . I must say that until now, the last two years, I haven’t been happy with how I look since I was 12 years old. For 10 years I was a girl trapped in the wrong body. A lot of things played a part in those 10 years. I was depressed, filled with self hate, I drank a lot, and I didn’t make almost any choices that took me closer to my dream-me. The first few years were self-abuse. Self hate.

I then got help; I got help to find the love for me again. I was scarred, but my self-love grew. I was still angry. Still in the wrong body, but I had regained some love for myself, and that was the first seed to happiness, and body-brain connection. Without love that would have been impossible for me. The following years I then had to reintroduce my brain to my body, over and over again. Hey brain, this is body. Play. It took them probably seven years to find common ground and start a new friendship. They are now besties, but sometimes, brain is a bit harsh on body. Telling her to run and jump around when she is tired. Luckily body has started to say “No” now, and since then their friendship is getting stronger and stronger. They have moved in together now, and share most things. The most important thing, they have agreed on this, is to keep communicating so that they both are clear on what they want. Because they remember how much they hated each other before, and no one wants hate in their life. I know though, When brain is happy, so is body.

21 responses to “A stranger in my own home

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