Blob day

Soo right now. At 6am in the morning, I feel like a blob. I am swollen, and have pimples. And I’m off to work. I looked myself in the mirror and thought that it is ok. Whatever I feel right now is okay. If looks weren’t important, would I feel good then? Do I want it to take over and let it ruin my day? One week before my time of the month this is usually how I feel, but this month has been extreme? I have no idea why. It’s like everything has been taken to the next level. Cravings, swollenness (if that is even a word?), mood swings and pimples. But that is okay. It will not ruin my day, I will just accept these hurricanes of hormones and emotions, feel a bit blobby and have an amazing day, and make good choices to help me feel better. Sometimes you just have to get cozy with these feelings, because you know that they’ll pass.

(I need to write many happy letters to myself, obviously.)

 Good choice 1: bike to work (13km)

Good choice 2: Have cocunot oil coffee before (might be good choice 1)

Good choice 3: Put nutritious and happy things into my body the whole day. (like not too many coffees)

Good choice 4: Choose to be happy and proud, and be nice and amazing to everyone.

I could keep going…..

Part 2

So the day started with good choice 1. Bike. Im so happy, Proud and.. Alive. I’m biking along the ocean. I took like 10 deep deep breaths and though that “I’m alright after all”. Then this thing happens when I have to cross the street and be on the pavement for a while. And this guy coming out from the gate screams “HEYY” at me. Not in a “whatzuuuup” kind of way, more a “what the fuck are you doing on the pavement-way” and that just made me so sad. like a stab in the stomach. A heavy little man just jumped up on my chest. It doesn’t take too much to get me off my “fuck I’m good-horse” this week. I just thought to myself “don’t let this be the turning point. So I thought I’d learn from it, I’ll take the other way next time, on the road, and I can just own a little fuck-up and get on with the day.He might have saved someone from me, next time. What would a “cool” person do you know?

It still started some kind of reaction and I started to think about what people had said to me yesterday “did they hate me?” Blablabla, then I told myself to shut up and be happy.

 Part 3

I’m biking home. I’ve made it. I have kept my mood up the whole day, even though I had to pull myself up a couple of times. Breath. Start again. A lady screamed at me on the way home. Again. Breath. Don’t ruin this old lady. Don’t you ruin this! And I didn’t let her ruin my day. People in the city hate bikes it seems, and If I’ve learned one thing today it have to be not to bike in the city when I’m sensitive. It can break me. Bring me deep down, with just a “Heey”.

I come home, have a shower outside. ice cold. I’m rebored. We go for a walk and I just love him, this beautiful place and life. Even the blob week I love.

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