I get offended easily. Or do I? I don’t know. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t care how other people talked to me or what they said. I wish I could be one of those people who don’t even think twice about someone’s tone or what they said to me. I can sometimes get so caught up in thoughts over a conversation where I repeat it over and over again whilst making up stories of what he/she really think of me. Instead I should start focusing on what I think of me. If I think I’ve done well, right and my best, nothing someone else says or think should matter.
For some reason I’ve always needed peoples approval. I want everyone to think that I’ve done right. I want people to see my side of the story, and now, writing that I see how self centred that actually is. Why do I need people to approve of me? Maybe that’s where the issue is. If I stopped care about what other people thought of me, my need to be approved would disappear, and I wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t heard or spoken in a non-loving voice to. After all, what they do and think actually has nothing to do with me and I need to stop being so self centred that I think that everything comes back to me in some way.
After all, the only thing I can control is how I show up, the feelings I bring out in people. If I keep focusing on others shit I will miss opportunities, and I will only make myself upset. The only thing I really care about is leaving people feeling good about themselves. I want to bring out the best in people, and focusing on shitty attitudes and negativity and trying to figure out why that person or those people are shitty and if they like me or not is not going to support me bringing out any good in anyone. I would only be digging for shit, and covering myself in it. My conclusion is that I need to be aware of when those feelings evolve inside of me, take a breath and ask myself if I’m digging for shit or making this world a better place investigating these feelings? If the answer is shit, I’ll leave it and focus on my mission in this world. Making it a better, happier place.