Doing uncomfortable things, to live!

Forever I’ve been a comfortable person. Changes scare me. Things that doesn’t go as planned scares me. Sometimes it makes me want to give up. Do something else. Leave whatever I was doing behind and start over with something new. I’ve never liked sleepovers. I can’t even count all the times my mum and dad had to pick me up from my friend’s houses when I tried to stay the night. I cried. Missed my mum and dad. Missed the comfort of my own home, rules and routines. It took me a long time to get over that. Like a long time. Probably haven’t really gotten over it.  Even still, sleepovers stresses me out. I don’t know why. Being away from Adrian now stresses me out. I know that he will still be there when I get back, the same way my mum and dad was when I stayed over at friends houses as a child, but I cant seem to get excited over things that excist outside of my comfort-time-zone. I am in love with my comfort zone at home. I’m like a needy puppy. I love being able to go to bed whenever I get tired. This might sound so silly, but there is a lot of things that I don’t do simply because I don’t want to leave my comfort zone, and Adrian in it. Even if we are talking three hours. Just the thought of not being anywhere else makes me stressed out. I won’t do it. I don’t want to do anything after 5pm say, because then I just want to go home and be with Adrian. Or go home and do nothing. A few things have come up now that make me think that I need to break this neediness that I have created for myself.

Things that goes on in my head: What if I get tired? what if I don’t want to? what if I go and I hate it? What if I get hungry? what should I ware? what if Adrian is doing something and I’m missing out? I want to have dinner at home like I always do every night. What time will I be home? will I be tired? I have to walk from the train home. When will I be in bed? I have to shower when I get home and it’s late so then I’ll be in bed later. what am I doing the day after? what if I get tired then? What will I eat? how will I get there?  I could just stay at home…

 I’ve got the opportunity to do a course for example, a personal development course through work and just the thought of that made me so excited, until I saw that it would go on until 10pm at night. And I froze. Thought that I can’t possible stay out “alone” until 10pm two nights in a row. Without my comfort-zone, and without Adrian. This is how my brain works. I go from being crazy excited to not at all because it means that I’m outside of my comfort-time-frame. That is just ridiculous. Same thing as for why I haven’t been to the amateur gymnastics group that I’ve been meaning to go to for TWO YEARS. I think that it would add so much value to my life, to be able to flip and spin again, but I won’t go there because it goes from 7.30pm-9.30pm. If that would be a morning class I would be there every single day. No doubt. This is probably not the most fun story to read, but I’m just trying to figure out if pushing myself to do these things would make me happier in life, or if I should stick to what I feel comfortable with. I think though, that comfortable hasn’t gotten anyone anywhere so if I really want to get the most out of life I have to start living outside of my comfort zone (including outside of my comfortable-time-zone too).

44 thoughts on “Doing uncomfortable things, to live!”

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