It is quite fun, to think about how I pictured my future life 2 years ago, and how I visualize it now. My dream life then is probably close to my nightmare life now. Two years ago I was thinking about how I would manage my hangovers so that I could play with my kids. How Adrian would be the mastermind of our family and I would do nothing but take care of the home and children (I claimed that I was a feminist who just didn’t like to work). I thought that my dream-life was not to work, and to some point it sort of is. Depending on how you view “work”.
I don’t want to work to survive; I want to have a mission that I can call work.
Throughout this process of exploring what I love in life, and what makes me excited I’ve learnt that my values in life have almost completely changed. I used to value getting drunk at dinners over having energy (although I probably wouldn’t admit to it, but I did, because I kept on doing it). Maybe even over having energy for my future kids. I hoped that I would never stop going to parties and “have fun”. At one point I even wanted to be a police so that I could: 1.work out at work, and , 2. Be that “fun” policewoman who didn’t stop the party and that all the drunk kids loved.
I never thought I would stop enjoying it. Partying and getting drunk. But I did. And it wasn’t like we sat down and decided that from now on we will stop getting drunk every weekend. It just sort of happened that way. I suppose our values and wants in life changed and we realized that it wasn’t part of what we wanted. Today, I never feel like I’m sacrificing anything. I more feel like I’m choosing to do what I want.
What want for my future is a life where I always have energy, where I feel free to do whatever I want, whenever I want it, obviously with Adrian and my future babies included.
I see myself working for something that I don’t view as work. I work with my writing and my passion for the choice of happiness. I see myself working with a schedule that I have created, but where things still need to be done. I see myself exploring with my kids and Adrian. Getting dirty on the playground, being excited to show them everything I know, and bring them up to be as proud, confident and loving as possible.
Back then I valued quick fixes and short cuts. Today I value sustainability.
Most importantly; today I value happiness and love over everything in this world.