Taking things personal

 I am a somewhat paranoid person. I think that the fly’s are personally annoying me. That they have chosen me. When people talk to me with a harsh voice or  with anything other than love, my brain likes to tell me that “they don’t like you, they think that you are shit, they don’t want to be around you”. It can be devastating from time to time, because something little and to another person totally pointless can through me off. What happens in my body when someone talk to me in that way is that it creates this nausea-like clump in my solar plexus. It feels like I could through it up and release it. Like small heavy people, inside my body. So physical.

I have been aware of this, that I tend to take everything personal, for a long time and I don’t want to accept it. It is no fun for me, my brain and I, and not fun for the people I assume have something against me.

 Every day I try to be aware that nothing anyone is doing actually has anything to do with me. What others say or do is a projection of their own reality and dream. Me screaming at you is just a sign that someone is screaming inside of me, that I’m under stress, having a bad day, haven’t had my coffee yet or maybe I’m hungry? You don’t need to know why, but know that it has nothing to do with you. So instead of going into fight or flight mode, smile to that person like you would if they just told them that they love you, and turn their day around. Nothing makes me happier than when I can see that something that I have said or done genuinely makes another person happy. When I feel attacked, this is hard, but that is when you need to find that inner strength and just smile. If someone is actually hurting my feelings though, I need to work on just saying that “what you said there actually hurt my feelings”, rather than just running away full of sad emotions. This is an ongoing fight, but once I started flip things around and try to make sad and angry people happy, I also feel more happy. A lot more happy. It is that thing called a win-win situation.

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