I often hold monologues for myself, in my own head. I think of things I will say to certain people, how I will explain things, etc. And I am a genius. Sometimes I think things so smart that I get all taken and proud. And then come the moments, when I’m actually suppose to say all the things spinning around in my head… and I cant find the words or the thoughts to verbalize the things that I know are in there. In my head. I sound like a damaged CD. Agadagadagad.
I came across this yesterday when I was walking.. I just thought to myself that “fuck I’m smart”.. and I was thinking exactly how I would present this thing…. And it all comes out like a blurb where nothing makes sense. I used to say to Adrian that I’m smarter and funnier in Swedish…But now when he speaks Swedish too I know that this has nothing to do with the language barrier, this is my reality in Swedish and English.
I reckon my problem is that I want to get everything out at the same time that my talk-central in my brain gets clogged up. I visualize it like 500 balls tries to get through the same hole at the same time. My solution is now to write everything down, and practice it like I’m an actor, playing myself. I haven’t tried this technique out yet, so once I’ve figured this shit out I’ll tell you. I know it’s not impossible to sound smart as well; it be all in there, in me, for a reason.
The genius inside my head or space princess (created by Clare Fisher)