I believe that if you are open to it, you attract what you need. I found this book by Gretchen Rubin in KiKi K and I felt strait away that this is something that will bring me some interesting knowledge to what I am currently working on. I love her. She is such an analyst and researcher that just by reading her book I get the information gathered from millions of happiness researches. I’m a slow reader, and by reading her books I get all the most relevant information for my own project, without reading a million books. Thank you for that, and for all aha moments and inspiring thoughts and actions.
On her website I took a test where I ended up under the category of a “questioner” who “meet inner expectations” but “resist outer expectations”. Now I find this very interesting for a couple of reasons.
Resisting outer expectations means not meeting deadlines if I don’t feel like meeting them, basically it means that I do what I want to do if I feel like doing it. That doesn’t sound like me because I’ve never missed a deadline in school, ever, I always try to meet others expectations of me. But, I often complain (maybe not always out loud) when doing things that I don’t necessarily find important. I wasn’t quiet in school if the teachers gave us too much homework at the same time. I wanted to meet my teacher’s expectations (that I most likely made up myself) of me being a good student with strait A’s (even if Sweden then didn’t have that grading system). So if I felt overwhelmed I didn’t choose what I had time for, I did it all, and I did it perfect, but I wasn’t happy doing it, and I let everyone know. I have to understand and agree with why I do certain things otherwise I strongly dislike doing them, but if I know that someone expects me to do it, I have a really hard time not doing it and ignoring others expectations of me.
Expectations stress me the hell out. I feel trapped, locked in. I don’t feel free. Or is it all expectations that stress me out, or just the ones that I don’t agree with? It’s hard to distinguish sometimes. Taking this quiz showed me a whole new big part inside me that needs attention, and that is other peoples expectations, my own expectations and what make me a better/worse version of me when thinking and acting around them.
I think that most expectations others have on me, they actually don’t expect anything from me, but I think that they do so I get stressed out from me just assuming that they expect things from me. This is some things I’m going to benefit a lot from: Figuring out how I react and respond to expectations and asking people what they expect from me, telling them what I can happily do, instead of just assuming what they expect and unhappily doing.