The days after Adrian proposed I found myself looking for the excitement of planning that typical movie wedding. I saw myself buying stacks of wedding-magazines, sitting on the couch with a blanket and planning. I went on to follow heaps of wedding instagram pages and decided even before we got engaged that we will be getting married in Thailand, since it’s a semi-easy flight for both families. Meet halfway we thought. But more than that, we haven’t gotten much further. The whole invitations, choosing who to invite, venue, food, setting the tables… I find myself finding it more stressful than fun.
The only thing I really want (I know I’m speaking for the both of us) is a holiday with family and close friends. I want something simple. A simple ceremony… maybe I can get married in my grandmothers curtain like my mum did. I don’t want a huge party. But I like speeches. I don’t want a three course dinner with luxury table settings.. I want a fresh lunch with a lot of options. I see a holiday on which we happen to get married on one of the days. I don’t want any pressure or commitments, just, if people can come they come, if not, that’s totally fine. I feel like people expect more than I want, and planning a destination wedding I feel like people would expect even more. I know that it’s only stories that I make up in my head, everyone that I actually talk to expect nothing. If I was invited to a destination wedding I would hope that I got some time to just explore the destination on my own, not just follow the bride and grooms schedule. But people pleaser as I am, I don’t want to under-plan anything. I don’t want to ruin people’s expectations. I don’t want people to come for a holiday to Thailand to see us getting married and then they go home and be disappointed.
At the end of the day, I can’t do anything about people’s expectations, and if I have to cater for everyone I will end up going nowhere. After all, it is our wedding, and we don’t really care. We just want to be together. Neither of us really care about the actual wedding; it’s just something you do. I’m not one of those people who think that this is the most important and happiest day of our lives. I always love to celebrate love, and I look forward to be a Cox instead of Kiusalaas (yesterday I even forgot how to spell Kiusalaas, my own last name. That I’ve lived with for 25years. I couldn’t spell it.)
So we are going to do this our way. The holiday way. The simple way. And the relaxed way. And I am going to give up on thinking about what other people might expect. This is actually one of the few times when we should only think about what we want to do. Without having other people’s wills in mind.