When control is boring

Last night when I finished work at 6pm Adrian met me at the train station. It was such a beautiful night. Warm, mild.. Swimmable. Totally Swimmable. He wanted to go down to the beach before dinner. I froze. So, I loved the Idea of it, a lot. That is all you want to do in the colder months, imagine yourself at the beach on a warm evening. But then I start thinking of practical shit. Like, Ok I have to change clothes, then I will get wet (I washed my hair already today, do I have to do it again?) and sandy, we have to walk through and get all the sand off. I will have wet clothes that need to be hung out. Then shower. Dry. It is a process. What about dinner? It is 6.40pm? when will we be ready for dinner?

My thinking process is such a boring story. Like I’m just the opposite of spontaneous. Adrian knew, he asked if I got scared of the idea and I said “Yes, I get scared because I think of dinner”. I don’t want to be boring. I found many excuses. We did not go to the beach. I did promised myself before this summer to not think like this, to swim a lot. And I have actually done that. I’ve been two times some days to my defense. But I don’t wont control controlling my life. I’ll take control and control my controlling side. Because I want to be that person who can enjoy a spontaneous swim on a beautiful late-summer night (without stressing about dinner, wet clothes and sandy feet).

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