I found the love of my life. Or he found me. Or we found each other. We were both two semi-lost souls in the beginning, and we found some kind of stillness, a feeling of belonging with each other. Having someone depending on you, trusting you, wanting to create a life with you is an amazing feeling. But it didn’t come without arguments, disagreements, and desperateness. We loved each other but something made us restless and anxious. –Alcohol, and a lack of knowing what life we wanted to live.
We live in a society where drinking with your friends is what you do. So we didn’t question it. The only question each weekend was “where are we going this time?”, not “should we go out for a couple of drinks?” That question didn’t need to be asked. It was obvious. That’s what you do. But love and alcohol rarely create a safe building-ground for love. We figured that out within the first two years of us loving each other. We both started working and hated the feeling of waking up on the Monday morning still feeling tired from the lack of sleep we had got on the weekend. The alcohol had stolen our endorphins. We snapped at each-other. I often cried and wondered where my happiness was. Drinking every weekend made us unhappy.
We wanted to love. Each other and our life. That was all we wanted. All we want. So we gradually started to drink less. The benefits of not drinking soon started to way heavier than the actual drinking, and not long after we made that change we basically quit. I don’t like to but labels on things, forbidden things can create resentment and unnecessary wants. If I ever want a drink, I’ll have one, but I rarely do. We found that Monday mornings were easier. We were giggly when we woke up. We could genuinely love. Without guilt from having wasted a whole day hung over on the couch, without anxiety, without lack of sleep, and without lost endorphins. Life got easier. Life got better. Love got better.
We started to explore and think about what life we wanted for ourselves. We sat goals and figured out how we will get there. And we support each other. Both of us agreed that if we want to be happy in life, we have to dedicate our time to what makes us happy. We don’t have to work with something we don’t enjoy just because. When one of us feel stuck, the other one help with encouragement and inspiration. We have decided that we don’t have to do anything that makes us feel bad. We don’t have to do things just because other people do them. We only have to do what is right for us, what makes us better and happier people and what is align with our way of living. If people aren’t happy with that, it doesn’t matter; because we always have each other. And our happiness as a couple is more important than other people being satisfied with us.
I look at Adrian, and I know that he is all that I need. And I know that I wouldn’t want to live my life any different if I could. <3