What do you do when you try to make others happy and satisfied but you feel like you go against your own will? I admire those who can say no and don’t care what others think of them. I think I can sometimes. But often I think too much of if I’d upset someone that it seems easier just to not say no. I feel guilty to say no. And then I betray myself. And I resent myself for not valuing me. But I can’t enjoy life if I know I could’ve made someone happier. I treat myself like my wants and needs aren’t as important as pleasing others.
How do I grow that confidence, or whatever it is, to say no and just be proud to stick to what I want? Without feeling guilty. It’s the guilt I can’t handle. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for what I want and don’t wan. But if I can do what would make someone happy, then why wouldn’t I, even if I don’t want to? Are you really doing someone a favour if you are doing what you are doing with resentment? I do care what others think. And that’s probably where I need to start. But with people I care about, how can I not care? They should like me for who I am, and accept what I want and don’t want, theoretically. But I find it hard to do in practice. Don’t care. I get bad conscious if I want different things. I want to want what people want of me. Is that weird? Often I don’t want. What they want.
Maybe I just have to start valuing what I want and need instead of stop caring. Because I am of the caring kind. A people pleaser. I need to stop being a pleaser and keep being a caring one. And also add myself to the care for list.
Or maybe I’m too scared for people not to like me if I don’t want to do what they want to do. Maybe it all comes down to my insecurity. My need for feeling like I belong. And that people love me. I’m a people pleaser just because I’m not confident enough that they will like me if I don’t do what they want to do?
Do I believe people like me for what I do and not for who I am?
Asking these questions and bringing them to the surface make me aware of my thinking processes in certain situations. I feel that a lot of issues get smaller just by asking the questions. And sometimes id gives you that awareness of what you probably should work on in order to reach greater happiness in life. And that’s all this blog is about, how one can choose happiness in life.