My search for happiness continues. Even though I mostly consider myself happy, there are always areas in my life where I want to improve. If you ask my family for example, they would assure you that I have many unsolved issues, and I think that they came to the surface here in Sweden. I relax in a different way here. And I also act in a different way. I suppose when living with your parents in law compared to with your own parents your relaxed and sloppy side tend to keep you company a lot more when you are staying with your own parents. But I also live out my thoughts and feelings more. In Melbourne I live a life where the way I live isn’t getting questioned at all. Almost. Here I meet more of a patrol, and I have to justify my choices for others, and then at the same time also to myself.
This procedure force me to rethink my choices, and sort of re-choose them. Is this the life I want to live? I am scared that I will miss Sweden and being close to my family when I leave. I obviously will. Because I’ve been in Melbourne for two years strait I sort of forgot how beautiful Stockholm is. Summer Stockholm. My Stockholm family.
If I had to choose now, I would do it all over again. Melbourne is my home now, and I do love Melbourne. I love my passion, my search for lasting happiness. My search for a life that fulfills me. There is something about Melbourne that makes me feel more content. Maybe it is that I don’t have to worry about other people as much? We do our own thing and no one expect anything from us. I can do what I do without anyone questioning it. It might sound selfish, but my focus needs to be where I’m happy and content. It’s still all-new to me, feeling good. Being happy. If I loose focus I’m scared I’ll loose my happiness.
It has been a bit of a test for me, returning to Stockholm and exposing myself to my old life. I’ve had to take a few things under considerations, like why I do what I do. And if the life I’ve chosen to live is the life that will make me the happiest. I believe that life is a dynamic thing. And sometimes you get stuck in patterns that might prohibit you from follow the flow of life. What I do today might not be what will make me happier in three months. And that’s scary to me, because I love routines. At the same time that’s scary, its also scary to think that you might get so stuck into your routines that you loose your flow of life. What I’ve learnt here is that I need to work on following life rather than always following the rules that I’ve created. I believe that happiness is when you truly allow yourself to live. To be alive.