One of the biggest stress factors in my life is me stressing about the future. Not in a “what if I’ll be struggling in 15 years” way. I stress about the near future. I have something I need to do Friday for example, then my brain rush through heaps of different scenarios, thinking what could go wrong; I start to plan everything in detail, from breakfast to dinner on that day to make everything work smooth… What I don’t realise is that I create so much stress for myself, planning and creating stories.
The unexpected can actually be something I could enjoy
When Friday comes, everything just works out smoothly. The only thing that might make me stressed on the day would be if I tried to stick to the plan that I made up in my head days before. That I created in a stressed state of mind. If I would just go with the flow of the day, stress would be non-excising, and I could instead enjoy the beauty of the day. I could see things. Be spontaneous. Enjoy the unexpected. The unexpected can actually be something I could enjoy. Crazy. The unexpected usually freaks me out. What if. What if. what if. Yes, what if? The world will not end. Worst case I’ll experience something new that I don’t love. But then I’ve learnt that. That I don’t love this. It’s like I think that the unexpected could take me to palaces that I have no idea how to get back from. It could lure me away from my life. My plan.
I think that present me is the idiot in this scenario
In the end it’s just present me, not trusting future me. Present me thinks that it has to plan everything for future me, because she might be stupid and totally uncoordinated. Instead of just focusing on everything present me can focus on in the present moment, Present me live in the future hypothetical moment, and when the future come, there will be another hypothetical experience that present me thinks future me will be too stupid to handle. I don’t know about you, but I think that present me is the idiot in this scenario. Because she is missing out of the beauty of life. When it happens.
I just have to trust that when things happen, good and bad, I will act to the best of my ability then. I won’t become an idiot over a day. I can’t stress about what is about to happen, or what could happen or what could’ve happened, now. It’s pointless. It is. What I can do now, is the only thing I want to focus on. Future me will deal with the rest of my life. I trust her. She cool.