This Monday morning was a little harder for me than usual. This monthly hormonal roller-coaster is playing up again. Taking me for a ride. The power of choice, and the fact that I believe that we are in control of our emotions immediately gets questioned. Are we really? Do we really have a choice? When I’m crying over nothing, get fumingly angry over the smallest thing, can I control this? Can I actively choose to be calm? Choose not to get upset? Even when I feel so strongly in my body?
I’ve come to the conclusion that hormonal roller-coasters happen, and I can’t control that. I can’t control my feelings and emotions. I can only be aware of them, and be aware of the fact that I’m in my mid-cycle hurricane of hormones and emotions. When I’m being aware of my surroundings, in this case, an emotional hurricane, I can choose what to focus on, and I can choose how I’ll deal with it.
I panic because I’m scared I’ve lost my passion for life, and my passions in life
A person like me, who constantly try to search for happiness in every situation struggle a bit with this. And my initial feelings towards this hurricane is panic. I panic because this is not how I recognize myself. I panic because I’m scared I’ve lost my passion for life, and my passions in life. Nothing feels magnetic to me. I’m scared because I’m angry. I’m angry because I’m scared.
But then I remember. This happens every month. Although it’s not as strong and windy every month, it happens. Even though it doesn’t feel like I’ll bounce out of bed ever again, or feel those bubbles of happiness in my body and brain, the smart part of my brain knows that this is a temporary storm. This too will pass. Why not try to find some enjoyment and calm in this hormonal chaos?
I might not be able to choose my emotions, or feelings, but I can choose what I’ll do with them
After I’d been angry, I cried. And then I had to get my blood flow up. I knew that I needed to make my heart pump. I could feel it. I think it told me. Immediately after just jumping up and down a little (which was hard to do at start because my brain and tortured face did not feel like bouncing at all) and my heart started pumping and my breath got deeper and faster, I could breathe. I might not be able to choose my emotions, or feelings, but I can choose what I’ll do with them. I can allow them to go through my system, release them, but then also let go of them.
Sometimes it is hard to let go of feelings of anger and sadness, but I’ve learnt that you just have to snap out of it. Change walking pace, change living pace, get in a cold shower, jump up or down a little. Juts chock your body and mind, and then return to that peace of mind that is happy even though you’re emotions might not be. Peace of mind let you experience and allow all emotions, and make the best out of them, with happiness even in sadness or anger. Emotions are all a part of life. All of them equally important. Or happiness might be slightly more important…. I think.