You know that feeling when you always try to be involved with everything that happens around you. And when you are scared of missing out of all the fun stuff. FOMO I think it’s called. It’s in the dictionary. I’m pretty sure of that.
Throughout my whole life I have tried not to miss out. On anything. That in it self create a lot of stress. I feel like I have to do everything. I have to go to all the parties, I have to go to all the workouts, I have to go to all the dinners, I have to do what people ask me to do, because if I’m not there, will they still love me?
That’s a bit dramatic, but that’s often how I feel. Like I have to be at all these places and “perform” for people to see me. Love me.
I recon that this ties down to a lack of trust, self-love and confidence. Because if I had all of that, the trust in other people, the self-love and the confidence I should know that people don’t love me for what I do or where I am. I would understand that those who love me would love me wherever I am, and those who don’t, will not love me more if I do everything to please them, do what they want. They will use me, and use my insecurity, and because I think that that’s love, that them depending on me is love, my whole world will get twisted. I’ll keep thinking that I have to do and be places to deserve their love. My beliefs and self-respect will get twisted.
I cannot learn how to love and respect myself fully if I don’t stop doing things because I’m afraid of people not liking me if I don’t do them. I cannot understand what it really means to be secure in myself unless I stop listening to the voice that tells me that I have to do this or that to deserve love. When I put an end to that, and when I start doing things for me, without contemplating what others might think of me, then I can start respecting myself and understand that love isn’t something you earn. Love just is.