I wouldn’t consider myself a doer. I want to think that I am, but at the moment I’m not. I think and think and think, but when it comes to the doing part I pull out. I get scared. I’m too safe to do stuff without knowing the outcome. But recently I’ve started to experiment with the doing part. Like starting this blog for example. I’ve wanted and thought about having a blog for the last seven years. My thoughts of what can go wrong and what people could think has hold me back. It’s the same with most of the things I do in life. It’s like I don’t trust my own opinion of what’s good. I need someone else to either tell me what to do to get somewhere or let me know that what I’m doing is the right thing.
The more I do by myself, the stronger I feel within myself.
Lately I’ve started to push my limits with this a little. Not wait around for people to tell me what to do, and also stand up for what I do when someone ask me. It feels like just starting to make my own decisions and actually trusting that my opinion is as good as anyone else’s creates a good movement towards becoming more confidence in my life. The more I do by myself, the stronger I feel within myself.
I’ve also learnt that I often wait around for things to happen before I make a move. I think that if only this happen I’ll do that. Now, what if “this” doesn’t happen. Then “that” never will either. But what if I just go and do “that”, then “this” might happen, because I did “that” without waiting around for something to happen.
I make excuses not to do things. It’s not because I’m lazy, it’s because I’m scared. I’m scared of the unknown and yet I don’t have the confidence to think that I can pull through. But I can, I know I can. And because I know that I can, I just have to start doing and doing and doing so that soon my whole body, and my whole brain knows that I can do things myself, without anyone confirming what I’m doing is right and without anyone telling me what to do. My opinion is as good as anyone, and as soon as I start to act as if, I’ll truly understand that. So that’s my mission now. To just do shit.