A catch up with Marissa Frew is like a whole body experience. I realise so many new things about myself every time I see her that my head is sore. One of the biggest things I took with me from this mornings catch up was not to over think every single decision I make. Because when I’m thinking about all the what if’s and when I thinking about the finished product I close myself off to reality. And I tend to do this all the time. I think and I think and I think and my thoughts about the future scare me away from actually moving forward with anything that I’m interested in.
I didn’t allow for life to take its place and the universe to actually do its job.
A lot of this I experienced in Sweden when I broke myself free from my rules with training and eating. I had set up this reality of rules that I had to work out hard every day in order to be able to enjoy the day. That lead to me not wanting to do anything at night because I needed to go up early to train so that I could enjoy the day. But I couldn’t actually enjoy the day or the night because I was thinking about tomorrow and how I could manage to fit in my training. Through all of this I thought that I was happy. I thought that my rules made me happy. But they closed me off to the real world. I didn’t allow for any spontaneity. I didn’t allow for life to take its place and the universe to actually do its job. Throughout all of this I wasn’t happy with myself nor my body, I always felt like I didn’t work out hard enough or ate clean enough, I was puffy from stress and hormones.
this past month I have eaten more natural carbs than I’ve had since I was 14, worked out less than I have for 6 years and I have never felt happier in my body and in my mind
It has now been over a month since my epiphany took place. The one where I suddenly realized that I wasn’t living my life. And this past month I have eaten more natural carbs than I’ve had since I was 14, worked out less than I have for 6 years and I have never felt happier in my body and in my mind. My obsessions are in control, my diet feels free, as in I eat what I feel like eating without thinking about where on my body this will affect me and I am being nicer to myself. I find it easier to cut myself some slack. And I also look and feel less puffy. I still move because my body wants to move, and I avoid gluten-carbs, but that’s only because it’s not good for my body. Not for any vain reasons.
I feel like for so long I’ve tried to be perfect, try to achieve a perfect body through a “perfect” diet and as much work out as possible, and the more I pushed myself the further away from feeling perfect I got. I tried super hard but It only pushed me further away from what I saw as an ideal body. Further away from what I felt comfortable with. And now, when I allow myself to relax and enjoy life, when I don’t try and aim for perfect and instead try to aim for happiness and self love, I feel like I can hear my needs more clearly. Maybe I just haven’t listened before because I’ve been too busy following my perfect training and meal plan that there wasn’t room to listen to my body and souls silly needs. But now I hear. And I listen.