I can find it hard sometimes to appreciate where I am now because I know where I want to be. I have all these goals and dreams and it can be frustrating not to actually know how or if you will even get there. Some days I’m so convinced that I’ll make it, whatever “it” might be. And some days I just feel flat, wondering what the hell I’m doing with myself. I suppose this isn’t rare, and I suppose we all doubt ourselves from time to time. But how do we snap out of it?
I can get upset when people tell me to be grateful for what I actually have, in this moment. I have a job where I work with some of the funniest people I’ve ever met, I’ve got the best man in the world who make me feel safe and loved, and who I love so much I want to live on the other side of the world from my family and friends. I’ve now got two families who I love. I’ve got an apartment I love. And I should be grateful that I actually have goals and dreams. When I moved to Australia I had no idea what I even wanted to do with my life. I applied for like a million receptionist roles because that was all I knew, I don’t love sitting in a reception. I had no real passions except fitness and writing, and I was too afraid to have writing goals since English obviously isn’t my first language. So even if gratitude can be frustrating when someone else encourages you to practice gratitude, the truth is that it is so powerful and true. If we choose to see it, there is a lot to be grateful for, and that will give us a boost to carry on with what we are doing from where we are standing.
Confidence boosting is also something important for me when I feel stuck. I hear myself talk me down, saying that I’m only this or only that, I hear my self-doubts and I start comparing myself with others. I see what I haven’t got and what I’m not good at, and that creates a bad cycle down to victimization. Sometimes it brings me to a point of wanting to give up and go back to wishing to win the lottery.
But then, something always reminds me of the fact that those voices, and those thought aren’t the truth if I don’t believe in them. I create the truth here and it’s up to me to believe in me. I can sit forever and think about what I’m not, or I can become who I want to be. No one want to be that person who just complain about what they don’t have, at least that’s the opposite of who I want/choose to be. So I do whatever I need to do to overpower these voices and I do what I need to do with confidence and gratitude. Sometimes I need to write a list of all the things I’m good at, or of all the things I love in my life right now, sometimes I just have to tell myself to grow the fuck up and stop wining, and sometimes I need to feel sorry for myself for an hour or two, and then create a plan of how I can stop that pathetic behavior. Different days call for different methods you see.
The bottom line is that it can be frustrating not knowing what the future might bring, but the fact is that you create your future now, and thinking of what you don’t have is not going to get you what you want. Seeing opportunities and what you do have to work with now is going to get you closer to whatever it is that you want.