I was walking outside thinking about everything I’m too scared of doing. Like dancing in public, speaking in public, being vulnerable in public. I’m not a public crier. If someone tells me a sad story or if a really emotional situation occurs where I “should” cry I can’t. I have no problem with crying in front of people if it’s out of anger or when I’m tired or really disappointed, no problema, but at a funeral I cannot cry. Even if I “want” to. I always feel so cold when I say good-bye to people I love and they cry and I can’t. I cry when they are gone. My true vulnerable tears come when I’m alone. I have it in me. But not in public. I cry to movies, to books, to music and to commercials but never with people.
This bugs me a little. I say that I’m all about openness and being proud of who you are, but am I really if I cant be comfortable to dance or cry with people? What does that say about me. It’s time to bring all of this out to the surface. It’s time for me to let me out from inside. Open myself up to be vulnerable, and be proud to be so.