One thing that I really try to work on is being open-minded. To be honest, I’m quite a closed minded person in most areas of my life, but the more I start to open up to new things and experiences I see that there is more to life than just my square scheduled reality. It is hard for me, to step outside of my everyday pattern, but every time I do so I walk away feeling uplifted and happy with myself.
But then, my square scheduled part of me doesn’t want to step out of my comfortable-ness. To be honest, it’s not like I have heaps of stuff scheduled, I more so have a lot of “scheduled time to do nothing” that I don’t want to loose. I need that time to myself, or at least my comfortable and cozy side of me need that time to do nothing. We have this amazing opportunity at work to go to a life coaching workshop weekend, which just screams “PICK ME PICK ME!!!” all over it, but because it’s a three-day thing where I have to be out in the city until 10pm I just can’t be bothered. Ant that is why I should go, I know. But that so interferes with my scheduling where it says “do nothing” on. Maybe this is super sad. I feel sort of sad when I write it. That I can’t get excited over something so cool, because it interferes with my do nothing time. Fuck it, I should just do it shouldn’t I?
It’s like a constant war going on inside my head between curiosity and safety. And I’m playing my life super safe in all areas, which part of me are sick of, and the other part of me love me for.
But I cannot always let the play it safe part of me win, because I’ll miss out on life. I have to honor my inner curiosity, and nourish it. Otherwise I’ll be one of those autopilot people who forget what it is like to actually live. I can have my routines 90% of the time, but I need to dedicate 10% of my time go to go and live outside of my safe square life. I need that to appreciate my safe place. I need that to live.
So I will do that thing, which hopefully can help figure out how to live and get more out of my life. Or not, but at least I lived out those 10% doing it.