God I’ve been dull this week. In a new, strange way. I think I’m lost again. Or maybe I’m overwhelmed by opportunities, and they make me freeze. And freezing make me feel lost because I’m not still in a place I want to be still in, I want to move, but there are too many directions I can move in. I have no idea if that make any sense at all, but that is sort of how I feel.
I’ve also felt like I’m a victim, like nobody listen to me, and like nobody cares, and that’s usually how I work when I’m not sure about my place. I get paranoid, scared and unsure.
I try to catch myself when I listen to those paranoid voices and laugh if of, and that make me realise that this is most likely only in my head, but it doesn’t make me move anywhere.
What I love about getting overwhelmed is when it comes to the point where I realise that there is only so much I can do at once. I can keep all things in my head at the same time and freeze, or I can be systematic about it and do one thing at the time. It’s like when something is messy, you cant clean it all up at once, you have to commit and start somewhere and then move from pile to pile. That’s what I need to create for myself now. I need to write a list of everything I have got going on right now, and I need to see that there is time to do all of it, not just at once. And if one of the things doesn’t make me particularly excited I have to ask myself if it’s worth spending time on and be ready to let go of it if it’s not.
Today I’m making lists and making time. And soon I’ll be moving again.