What a thing that is really, body image. How controlling it can be. I’m in one of those weeks where I feel like I’ve put on 10kgs and a couple of extra cheeks and it really messes with my whole approach on life. What I’m trying to do now is actually realize that even if I would have put on some weight it’s not the end of the world. I’ve got a battle going on in my head between my inner critic who tells me that I’m fat and probably shouldn’t enjoy life as much and my free spirit who says that as long as I take care of my body and mind I should be proud of every part of my body. And I really want to be. Proud.
When I think about it I am actually so grateful for my body and all that it does for me. When I was younger I only felt hate towards my body. Today I feel love, but I also criticise myself and my body, a lot. I feel like I’m that parent who just want my kids to succeed, and I’ll push them so hard I forget that they are just kids that want to have fun. I push them, and only the best is good enough. That’s how I feel with my body. I want it to be the best, and sometimes I find it hard to just approve of it just as is and love it for who it is.
One good thing is that when I now feel love for my body, I want my body to be the best potential I take care of it so much better than I did when hate was all I felt. I make sure that I nourish it. I make sure I get all the right nutrition. I make sure I calm my mind. I make sure I’ll exercise in moderation. So for me to now feel like a blowfish and still feel ok; that’s kind of a big achievement. I realize that it’s more important to have a fun life than care about a few extra kegs. Body image control many people’s lives. Even ruins a few. I don’t want to look back at my life and realize that the reason that I couldn’t enjoy life was because I thought that I looked 2kgs heavier than I would have hoped. I would be so mad at me, for being so shallow, vain and naïve. I just want to live life. An exciting life. With no restriction. Just happiness and love. For myself and the world.