It make sense that the more positive and happy thoughts we plant and spiral of into through our brain the happier we feel. If we use all the time that we have thinking about things we love, what we want to achieve and how to get there, there is no time left for thinking about a pile of shit. Use your time wisely to me means to fill your heart and mind with thoughts that generate emotions you would like to feel. When people first told me to practice gratitude I didn’t quite get it. I did it anyway though, because I’m always open for anything that can make me feel more excited. More alive. Now I actually start to fully grasp the concept that choosing what you focus your mind on will determinate how your life and reality appear.
I was meditating out in the sun this morning. I did my Wim Hof breathing, listening to Kent. Songs that I have been listening to since I was only 12. They are still as good as they were then. Almost 14 years later. This morning they woke up memories of good friends I have had throughout my life. Some that I miss a lot. Some that I have lost contact with, not only because I have moved to the other side of the world from where I was first introduced to Kent. This morning brought back memories that made my heart ache in the most loving way possible. A wave of good feelings and memories from my early teenage years filled my heart, and I felt a strong band to the people that allowed me to feel like that. I remember the tingle in my stomach when we sat up all night at the mountain and mum thought I was at Jessies. It never got dark then. I remember the freedom and the love I felt every time I walked up the hill towards Sofia’s house. Those dinners are one of my dearest memories. My honeymoon trip to Greece with Lisa in year 10 and how I woke her up with coffee and undercooked eggs every morning. OC nights.
The emotions that appeared in my body made me understand what is important in friendships and all connections with people. It’s those people who make you feel free and full of love that are worth spending time with. I am so grateful for every single one of my friends growing up.
When I meditated I knew exactly the feeling I wanted to deliver through this post, and now when I sit down to write it is so hard to get it through in words. I feel this wave of intense feelings of love to the people I once were so close with, but whom time and my emotional chaos dragged me away from. I wish that it didn’t happened that way, but I can’t regret things, only learn from them. I managed to travel back this morning and experience those feelings I had then, through my memories, and I had to express my gratitude towards being able to re-experience those memories. They were once my reality.
The only thing I wished for back in the days was to feel happy with who I am. I wished that I could find peace of mind and love. I longed for the feeling of just wanting to be, without worrying about if I was good enough, and it struck me yesterday that I am finally there. I am in that place I wished to be in back then, and I have to learn from the past and realize how good I actually have it right now. This is the moment in time that I wondered if it would ever come back then, and today it is my truth. Today this is my reality. I have arrived in what I so long have longed for, and it would be a crime not to take some time and appreciate it.
I don’t really know where I am going with this, but that is kind of the beauty of it. It has been such a long time since I thought back on my life to look for the good things in it. The more I focus on the good things in my life right now the more good things in my past I seem to remember too. I have this need today, to connect to all those people who I remember now with love and happiness to know that I am doing just that. I want every one of my beautiful people to know that I will always remember those good times, and look back to them with a smile in my heart. For a long time I haven’t been able to see what I have had, only what I haven’t had, and now, I hope we can all take some time to appreciate everything that life has given us. All friends, all memories, all beautiful emotions. Thank you my beautiful people for having me in your life, my brain would have less joy to relate to and look back on if it weren’t for you, and my heart wouldn’t be so full of love <3