I hear determination, goal chasing, act act act, do do do and you will be happy, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed and scared that I am doing it all wrong. And the more I think that I have to do the less happy I feel.
I am in a transition face in my life at the moment, and it is scaring the shit out of me. I am ready to let go of things that aren’t serving the life I am happy living, things that I feel are holding me back, but when I am doing so I am afraid of falling. I am letting go of trying to control my life and that makes me anxious because in my head control is all that I have got. Letting go of control makes me anxious almost to the point of paralyzation. I know that what I am doing is what I am happy doing, but the comfortable, safe and controlling part of me (my inner critic) is freaking out because for a while I just have to trust that I can manage and live life the way it unfolds, without trying to control any of it. And by doing so I have to trust that I am good enough in my own way. What I have to offer is good enough. What I am doing is good enough. I have to trust that, believe that.
To be honest, for me I am. I believe in me. I love what I do, because it is true to who I am, so why am I scared?
If I don’t let go I will feel safe but unhappy. And if I have to choose from feeling as if I have got everything under control but I am not happy then a happy free falling is what I need to do. I need to do a metaphorical jump out in freedom and trust that I will land wherever I am supposed to land. Most importantly; I have to trust that life wants me to be happy and successful on all levels in my life. I have to believe and have faith in myself, and live in my body, not in my head.
For such a long time I have been making all my decisions based on my thoughts, disconnected from my body. My thoughts have created problem after problem, and scared me away from following my own intuition. I have asked everyone but myself what I should be doing with my life. It is now time to step down from the critical place in my head and let my heart, body and soul guide me through life. I am done with over thinking and controlling. I am ready to feel and be free to follow life as it is, and trust that I am doing what I am meant to be doing.
Feeling lost is scary, but it is also a great resource. It means that you have something to figure out, and it means that you want something even if you might not know what it is that you want yet. Something that I have learnt that helped me a lot in feeling less lost is to practice not comparing myself to other people. I have always felt intimidated with go getters, those who are so determined and know exactly where they need to be and what they need to do. I have felt intimidated because when I compare myself to them I just see the drive that I don’t have.
What I do now is whenever that feeling occurs in my body I ask myself if I would want to live their life (or any other persons life for that matter), would I want their brain instead of mine, would I want to do all the hard work that they are doing? If the answer is yes, I want to live their life exactly the way they are living, putting in exactly the same amount of work as they do, then I would sit down and figure out how to do so. But I am not one of those people who want my whole calendar full, I don’t want to stress and rush around constantly. The moment we start copying what someone else is doing or start doing things just out of comparison to what other people are doing we loose contact with our soul, body and happiness. It is time to live the life we truly want to live and trust that we are good enough to do so.