Taking responsibility can be relieving

I like to get involved in stuff, and if something makes me happy then I don’t really hold back on it. When I started with Lululemon the company introduced me to a lot of cool ways of finding your inner strength and love. Totally my passion. Figuring out where I want and need to go in this world has always been a big part of being me, as it is most people’s part of being them.

The past couple of weeks though I have experienced this anger towards the company and I am trying to figure out why, because that is not how I want to feel. Through Lululemon I have met friends that I will keep forever and I have been inspired to actually get my shit sorted and live the life I want to live, so why this resentment? What is stopping me from just feeling grateful, because I do feel that too, but it takes a little bit of work to get to those emotions.

Talking about this with a friend in the backroom at work yesterday I realised that the reason to why I feel angry isn’t because I don’t like the company or that they have done me wrong, because they haven’t.

I got frustrated because I tried to find a place in the company where I could actually love being a part of it, but all I was actually doing was figuring out how I could help develop people and express myself with and through my passion. I didn’t  take ownership of the fact that I might have to go off on my own and do what it is that I love and quit using other companies as a safe place and try to make them into my passion when they are not.

Why I felt disappointed and angry was because I didn’t take my responsibility early enough to figure out what it was that I actually wanted to get out of being a part of this company. I didn’t know, and in a way I couldn’t know either without testing the waters. I tried different paths within and I got disappointed when they didn’t work out for me.

Lululemon gave me the tools that I needed to figure myself out and I believed that I needed to be a part of all of it because I wanted to keep on growing. I love the company for the personal development side of it, but to be honest I have never ever had a passion for clothes or shopping in general. The way Lululemon develop people is through the connection of clothes and sales and that is not how I can authentically connect with people or myself. I needed to realise that the responsibility for my self growth is in my own hands, not in the hands of anyone else. I don’t have to be a part of anything to keep growing. I will keep grow within because I want and need to.

I needed to take my responsibility of myself and understand that it the reason to why I stopped growing within the company wasn’t because nobody believed in me, it wasn’t because I didn’t get the support that I needed (although that might have made me stay a bit longer, so now I am happy that I didn’t), it was because I couldn’t invest all of my time and my heart in a business which main business is selling clothes when my passion lies in the opposite direction of any sales business.

In realising that I actually wanted different things from the company than I sometimes believed that I wanted I feel a lot better in my attitude towards it. Because the reality is that I honestly have no idea where my thoughts would be if it wasn’t for all the self development I have had the privilege of doing with Lululemon. Instead of feeling anger about what didn’t happen I feel clarity in knowing why it didn’t happen, and why it didn’t happen is because my passions simply wasn’t aligned with the path that I was traveling on, and I am proud that I dared to make a right turn into a completely new lane for me. I know that I am on the right track. I am so grateful for that.

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