Monthly Archives: July 2017

De-stress in the moment

I contributed to an article about de-stressing on Mydeal: https://www.mydeal.com.au/blog/post/feel-blessed-not-stressed,

Below you can read the whole article;

De-stress in the moment

Do you know what stress feels like? (That was a rhetorical question). It is hard to avoid stressful moments in this day and age. Even if you are not particularly stressed yourself I am sure that you have ended up in the crossfire of someone else’s adult-tantrum. You just have to put your bum behind the wheel and get out in traffic to be sure to witness at least one questionable turn made by someone who probably should’ve left their house ten minutes earlier. When in rome…

Try one or all things that will reduce your stress immediately;

  • The Wim Hof breathing method: Lay down on your back and breathe in – all the way down your stomach and up to your brain – and out. Repeat 30 times (I know – that’s a lot of deep breaths but stay with me!). When you reach 30 breathe it all out and hold your breath with no air in the lungs. When you need air – inhale deep and hold your breath. Then relax and enjoy any tingling feelings in the body.

    But to simply stop and take three deep breaths whenever stress is oozing out of your ears can do miracles.

  • Get present in your body: are you living all in your caffeine buzzing head? Try to feel your way into your body and connect the mind to the amazing body of yours. Is it trying to tell you something? Maybe it is trying to tell you to stop and enjoy the moment…

                    ♥

  • Essential oils: Just the sound of the dripping water and air breathing out of my humidifier calms my mind. Imagine what a bit of lavender and chamomile oil can do on top of that tropical sound… There is a whole science to essential oils when you are ready to learn more, but for de-stress purposes; lavender is all I need to remember.

  • Feeling overwhelmed with a situation or a person? Stop and say to yourself three things in this exact moment that you are grateful for (bonus; if you try to come up with three things about the person you are frustrated with you might experience something I almost would describe as magic). It sounds lame, but it can really kick frustration in the ass. When we are feeling grateful there is no room left for frustration.

  • Is your head buzzing or are you having a hard time focusing? Go out for a run or pump your blood in any other way (bonus if you get out in nature) has rarely made anyone more stressed than before! Kick the resistance in the butt and just do it. It doesn’t matter if your run looks more like a shuffle or if it is raining outside, if the blood is pumping you will feel better!

Maya Kiusalaas | Mymondaylove.com

 

I am done with all my past shits.

The last couple of weeks memories of excitement, curiosity and happiness are starting to come back to me. It is as if I have totally forgot that my life has not been all shit. I look back and feel that there is no other life I would’ve wanted to ever live – I just know that I could’ve done so many things better and had an even greater experience and I haven’t been able to leave it be until I could figure out how.

(I had to go through a lot of old photos to go with the book. Some are more charming than others.   This one didn’t make the cut/ 14-forever!)

I have learnt and gotten introduced to many, many emotions and that’s so cool, because I survived them all. Today I woke up and was reminded by a thought and a feeling to remember and be grateful for all those fun times I have been through, all my real, supporting, fun, loving and fantastic friendships I have and have had throughout my life. I have lived a fun life, as well and it is like I have pushed all of those good memories aside. I had to, in order to write this book. Even when I was in my deepest depression, an emotional wreck I still had many good days surrounded by good people. That is not to be forgotten. Really, those are the memories I want to keep popping up in my mind from now on. I am done going over what was shit back then. With this book it feels like I am finally getting ready to let go of all those anxious memories that I have let define who I am. I have got this feeling in my body that tells me that I don’t need them any more. Everything I have ever learnt from them is in this book and now it is time for me to move on and start dedicating my life and writing towards something new. What that is I am not quite sure of, but I think that it can be pretty cool.

I want all those people, my friends, who I have been spending time with in the past to know that I love all of my happy memories, more than the shit ones. With this book I hope that I can help teenagers navigate through their emotional shit a little easier so that when they look back they have even less shit to go through until they can truly just enjoy the good things. I hope that with this book teenagers can understand that we create fun memories with everything we do. Finally, I hope that with this book I can remind myself of that, so that I stop taking “life” too seriously, over-analyzing everything I do and just start enjoy living more and more with each day that comes. It is time for me to move “back” into the present moment and let the past be…

I need that to get to know what my body and mind need today, because living life constantly thinking what I wished I could’ve done differently is living the opposite way of how I wished that I was living then anyway.

I am so proud of my book now and I know that it is capable to help a lot of teenagers who overthink life a little or a lot. But, even if it doesn’t help anyone, it has been worth writing it because the process of writing it has helped me, a lot, and I never thought that I could actually be really helped.

 

Feel calm. Be calm. Find calm.

I often wonder what I will write about when my emotional life grow stabile. When I don’t feel so little and helpless anymore. I don’t feel helpless all the time, but it is when I feel emotionally unstable that I love what writing can do to me, or for me. I can put my doubts, my fears, my anxiety in words, and in a way it then makes a bit more sense.

It is crazy what is going on inside in my body and my mind sometimes and the past week has been quit intense emotionally. I wonder what other people are thinking, not about me – about themselves. Are people just happy with keeping all their shit to themselves or do people not feel like this at all? I wonder if it is just inside my mind and chest this emotional play is on repeat? Sometimes I feel like… I am slowly weaning of serotonin and it must be effecting me again because I have started to feel things I have forgot I could feel. Some feelings are good, and some are frightening me. Either way, this time I am committed to push through – I’m getting off this numbing shit.

I am coming back

My emotions are coming back and it is scary. I am coming back. I can feel it. It is like I recognise myself again and I haven’t decided what to do with it or if I even can do anything with it. There are a lot of good parts about this, I know that, especially once my body settles. I didn’t realise it yet, but I have missed the feeling of happy-crying, I get that more often now. I cry because I feel for other people, because I am genuinely happy for them. I love that. People I don’t know that looks happy can make me cry. But I also feel scared to be with my own mind too much. When nothing happens around me my emotion starts echoing. It is like everything is rushing around inside of me, and sometimes I feel like I am having a hard time calming myself, my mind and my body down. It is a feeling of a clear fog inside. I know that doesn’t make sense, but that’s what it feels like. Like everything around the fog is clear but I can’t get into the deepness of my mind, I can’t reach in to my core.

I feel like it is up my throat, in my eyes, in my nose, in my chest. In my brain. I feel restless and unsatisfied – because I can’t feel inside that fog. Then I force myself to sit down, see where I am, what I have in my life that I love and I get calm for a second because I grab a hold of something concrete. As soon as I stop thinking and let go the emotions take over again. I wish that I could always feel settled and appreciative. That I don’t need anything other than myself to love where I am and what I am doing. But I always think about what could make this moment even better, what could make me feel it even deeper. It ruins many moments constantly thinking what could make shit better. Why not just love what is. Not what if. Just be.

 

I just need to feel calm. Be calm. Find calm.

The me-spectrum

How do you allow yourself to be okay with not being as good as you know you can be? I know how my favourite me is feeling and acting. She wakes up with a bang excited to just do things, talk to people live life. She feels clear in her mind and prepared to focus on whatever is ahead of her. She is organised but not too anal, dedicated but not completely unimpulsive. She smiles a lot, feeling so happy with where she is at right now and excited to keep building on this reality. My favourite me is full of energy and need to run it off in between sitting down. She feels fresh and healthy, loving and silly. Crazy in the nourishing way that can allow her to expand her reality.

 

Then, there is this other version of me who is just a little bit less agile. She is the one waking up yesterday with no intentions of actually waking up. She feels a little sorry for herself for being tired and have no idea of how she would be able to get from A to B.

– How will I manage to get my shit together today and actually do what needs to be done? She asked herself whilst scrolling through her Facebook newsfeed dreaming of laying in a hammock on a beach somewhere even though she honestly have never been a real hammock-lover. Twenty minuets of the morning got absorbed into the phone.

My favourite self don’t pay too much attention to the phone until she knows that it won’t take her away from her focus. But the little less agile me seem to lack that impulse that wants to start the day and start creating. The little less agile me loves scrolling. Loves resistance.

How can I choose which one to be? It’s all just a spectrum of myself and there must be ways to go about in order to be my favorite version of myself more often? Because if I loose that impulse, if I don’t nourish that creative impulse and end up scrolling forever I know I will get depressed. I will be handicapped.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I sometimes will lack that impulse because of what is naturally happening in my body with hormones, nutrition and training history. I’m getting to know those hormones who rise and fall throughout my cycle and I can really feel the differences in motivation and energy depending on what week I am in (this is so cool!). I know that in week three chances are that my motivated impulses might be a little weaker, I might feel a bit more foggy and lazy and a bit more cozy. In knowing this though I can much easier be okay with the reality of the way I am feeling in this moment and enjoy the scrolling even though my goal is to move away from it. I know that there is a natural reason to why I am feeling what I am feeling. I also know that I have had a big week and probably would have done a lot better if I would have slept a bit better and not had that much caffeine during the week. Just being aware of how everything effect me I feel so much calmer when I find myself scrolling in the morning, resisting going out for my run, resisting sitting down to create. Today it is okay not to be my favorite self. It really is.

Then I read through all of this and I wonder if other people just accept however they are feeling in the moment or if everyone, like me, also wonder why I feel the way I feel and if I can change it? Is it just me being this overanalyzing? Is my thinking stopping me from living or helping me live my life as my favorite self more often than not?

One month to book publishing!

In a month I am ready to publish my first book… I have been sort of ready to publish for a while but it hasn’t felt right and I haven’t really been able to adress why. My grammar and spelling has held me back a little and I have found it quite challenging to work for completion, I have never published a book before, after all. Luckily I got introduced to an editor who completely get what I am trying to put out there. She is really questioning things that needs to be questioned, questions that I have forgot how to ask. Her level of amazingness is indescribable. And the fact that she is giving me gentle pushes to help me believe that what I am saying is worth saying is worth everything. The help she has given me leave me feeling like I can not thank her enough – I can only hope that one day I can help someone in the way she has helped me.

Free the girl – a story about (finding) self love is partly a story about the desperate, anxious and self-hating teenager/young adult I used to be, but in this story I go back in time, with things I’ve learnt in life, and help my younger self to see the other solutions in situations where I believed I was completely trapped. I help myself see the good sides, and all the beautiful things around me that I was too wrapped up in myself to see then.

It is a self help book, even though I feel a little awkward calling it that, I have to address it for what it is. But it is not only that; it is also a story about life, addictions, love, insecurity, desperation and hope. It is written for that teenager I couldn’t help, who wanted to pull her own hair out of sadness, anger and panic – and also for the person I am today. If I wouldn’t have taken the time to sit down and try to put my actions, mistakes and realisations down in words, I believe that I would have still felt more lost than I am today.

It has been a weird experience writing this book, because I started writing it when I was only 17. I knew then that the way I had treated myself and my body was horrible, but then I just knew to change one bad behaviour for another. I suppose leaving a bad habit behind is progress, but is it actually progress if what you are using to break a bad habit is equally bad? Depends how you look at it I suppose.

In this book I try to address those patterns and the “why’s” and reasons behind the self torturing I have been busy acting out and then I am suggesting alternative ways to go about a problem. It’s not just a story about why shit went shit, it is a story about shit and then a suggestion to how shit could’ve gone differently. Essentially it is a story about making something good out of shit.

Free the girl  is a book I would’ve loved to read when I was 17 years old – thats why I am writing it. It would’ve given me some inspiration to dream about things other than shit and it would’ve helped me to start play with the idea that I am actually a person who is worth feeling loved. It is quite funny thinking about all the things I wished that I knew then that I now know, and hopefully I can pass those knowings and realisations on to teenagers out there who, like I was, feels like life is just a little too overwhelming and suffocating to move in, but who want nothing more than just feel excited to live it.