In a month I am ready to publish my first book… I have been sort of ready to publish for a while but it hasn’t felt right and I haven’t really been able to adress why. My grammar and spelling has held me back a little and I have found it quite challenging to work for completion, I have never published a book before, after all. Luckily I got introduced to an editor who completely get what I am trying to put out there. She is really questioning things that needs to be questioned, questions that I have forgot how to ask. Her level of amazingness is indescribable. And the fact that she is giving me gentle pushes to help me believe that what I am saying is worth saying is worth everything. The help she has given me leave me feeling like I can not thank her enough – I can only hope that one day I can help someone in the way she has helped me.
Free the girl – a story about (finding) self love is partly a story about the desperate, anxious and self-hating teenager/young adult I used to be, but in this story I go back in time, with things I’ve learnt in life, and help my younger self to see the other solutions in situations where I believed I was completely trapped. I help myself see the good sides, and all the beautiful things around me that I was too wrapped up in myself to see then.
It is a self help book, even though I feel a little awkward calling it that, I have to address it for what it is. But it is not only that; it is also a story about life, addictions, love, insecurity, desperation and hope. It is written for that teenager I couldn’t help, who wanted to pull her own hair out of sadness, anger and panic – and also for the person I am today. If I wouldn’t have taken the time to sit down and try to put my actions, mistakes and realisations down in words, I believe that I would have still felt more lost than I am today.
It has been a weird experience writing this book, because I started writing it when I was only 17. I knew then that the way I had treated myself and my body was horrible, but then I just knew to change one bad behaviour for another. I suppose leaving a bad habit behind is progress, but is it actually progress if what you are using to break a bad habit is equally bad? Depends how you look at it I suppose.
In this book I try to address those patterns and the “why’s” and reasons behind the self torturing I have been busy acting out and then I am suggesting alternative ways to go about a problem. It’s not just a story about why shit went shit, it is a story about shit and then a suggestion to how shit could’ve gone differently. Essentially it is a story about making something good out of shit.
Free the girl is a book I would’ve loved to read when I was 17 years old – thats why I am writing it. It would’ve given me some inspiration to dream about things other than shit and it would’ve helped me to start play with the idea that I am actually a person who is worth feeling loved. It is quite funny thinking about all the things I wished that I knew then that I now know, and hopefully I can pass those knowings and realisations on to teenagers out there who, like I was, feels like life is just a little too overwhelming and suffocating to move in, but who want nothing more than just feel excited to live it.