I am done with all my past shits.

The last couple of weeks memories of excitement, curiosity and happiness are starting to come back to me. It is as if I have totally forgot that my life has not been all shit. I look back and feel that there is no other life I would’ve wanted to ever live – I just know that I could’ve done so many things better and had an even greater experience and I haven’t been able to leave it be until I could figure out how.

(I had to go through a lot of old photos to go with the book. Some are more charming than others.   This one didn’t make the cut/ 14-forever!)

I have learnt and gotten introduced to many, many emotions and that’s so cool, because I survived them all. Today I woke up and was reminded by a thought and a feeling to remember and be grateful for all those fun times I have been through, all my real, supporting, fun, loving and fantastic friendships I have and have had throughout my life. I have lived a fun life, as well and it is like I have pushed all of those good memories aside. I had to, in order to write this book. Even when I was in my deepest depression, an emotional wreck I still had many good days surrounded by good people. That is not to be forgotten. Really, those are the memories I want to keep popping up in my mind from now on. I am done going over what was shit back then. With this book it feels like I am finally getting ready to let go of all those anxious memories that I have let define who I am. I have got this feeling in my body that tells me that I don’t need them any more. Everything I have ever learnt from them is in this book and now it is time for me to move on and start dedicating my life and writing towards something new. What that is I am not quite sure of, but I think that it can be pretty cool.

I want all those people, my friends, who I have been spending time with in the past to know that I love all of my happy memories, more than the shit ones. With this book I hope that I can help teenagers navigate through their emotional shit a little easier so that when they look back they have even less shit to go through until they can truly just enjoy the good things. I hope that with this book teenagers can understand that we create fun memories with everything we do. Finally, I hope that with this book I can remind myself of that, so that I stop taking “life” too seriously, over-analyzing everything I do and just start enjoy living more and more with each day that comes. It is time for me to move “back” into the present moment and let the past be…

I need that to get to know what my body and mind need today, because living life constantly thinking what I wished I could’ve done differently is living the opposite way of how I wished that I was living then anyway.

I am so proud of my book now and I know that it is capable to help a lot of teenagers who overthink life a little or a lot. But, even if it doesn’t help anyone, it has been worth writing it because the process of writing it has helped me, a lot, and I never thought that I could actually be really helped.

 

66 thoughts on “I am done with all my past shits.”

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