Who I Am.
I’m orange. Mostly the palms of my hands and souls of my feet. It doesn’t bother me but the doctor said I should chill out on the carrots. I’m also from sweden, 26, and live in Melbourne. This is a blog about my failures in life. And what I’ve learnt from them.
I’ve cut down to two carrots a day. Mostly because my boyfriend says that no one will take an orange person serious and that he doesn’t want people to think that I’m stupid. Sometimes I have more than two though. Sorry Adrian.
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Just because you are good at something and comfortable doing it, it doesn’t mean that it feeds your soul. I read this somewhere and I had to write it down. I don’t remember where I saw it. Being good at something and loving to do something is two totally different things. This is something I have to work on constantly, because I tend to easily fall back on what is comfortable, and what I’m good at. I have often been to scared to loose something I love, that I never try to do what actually fulfils me. I think that this might speak to a lot of people. I would be good at many jobs, but there is not many that will fulfill me. Time spent working on/with something that doesn’t feed your soul takes away a little spark of your life. I think. That’s why I’m on a hunt for a future where what I do constantly nourish my soul, brain and heart.
I’ve either been to scared to loose or had a lack of trust in my own ability to lead my own life. If you don’t believe that you can do something, If you don’t believe that you have what it takes; you wont! In saying that though, you can create that belief, and when you understand that no one has chosen for you what you can or cannot do; you have chosen it, you can do and achieve whatever you choose to. This might take some time. It mightn’t happen over night. I still argue with the voices of doubt in my head. I bang them down like that mole game, where moles pop up and you slam them down with a hammer. But once you start banging those doubtful moles down it refreshes both you and your confidence. You start a good cycle. Good thoughts feed of other good thoughts and soon you have the perfect mental environment to attract your dream life. By taking small actions in the right direction every day, you soon feel that life is actually for you to live, however you want and choose to.
My love for cold showers keep growing bigger. It is almost magical. I can feel so tired, mentally and physically, and then I have an ice cold shower, and it’s like I’ve woken up from a ten-hour sleep without feeling drowsy. It’s like I’ve had the strongest coffee in the world. Everything feels fresh and clear. I fucking love cold showers! I honestly think that cold showers in combination with a healthy diet and meditation is the key to all good life has to offer. It is life-changing.
I’ve always sort of known that cold showers are good. You always see athletes standing in the cold water to let their muscles recover, and if you briefly google the subject a lot of research are pointing towards cold showers and increased immune system. But it wasn’t until I heard a Joe Rogan podcast with guest Rhonda Patrick I understood how much cold showers actually affect our bodies and brains. I just got so curious of the benefits of cold therapy. I did a mild cyber-stalk and found Dr Rhonda Patrick’s instagram and website; she is seriously cool. And educating. It’s not just pretty pictures on food; you learn shit about your body and brain from her instagram. Like what kale, broccoli and eggs contain, on a “medical-language-level” that I don’t always understand (read never), and exactly why it’s good for you and what it does to our brain and body. I love to know, even if I don’t always understand it all.
I found a research Dr Rhonda had done on her website (www.foundmyfitness.com) and just reading it made me understand why I felt so good after taking cold showers. I mean, this is serious shit. Cold showers, and the even more advanced cold therapy form: cryotherapy has been suggested to improve mood, memory, metabolism, fat burning and improve your endurance training, but also increase a type of hormone in your body witch act as an anti-inflammatory agent; norepinephrine. Norepinephrine and its inflammatory-fighting properties play a big role of deceases of inflammatory such as arthritis and depression. Apparently inflammation decreases the brains release of serotonin, so with the release of norepinephrine it fights the inflammation so that the brain can produce serotonin.
Norepinephrine is not just a hormone, it also a neurotransmitter which play a huge part in attention, focus and your mood. And when you have low levels of Norepinephrine you generally have low energy and mood. In one of her own podcasts she interviewed Ray Cronise, former material scientist at NASA, now a huge experimental metabolism and nutrition investigator (he is on day 23 on a water fast when the interview is made). He recommend doing 10sec warm shower-20sec-cold, and end on cold shower. It really helps your body experience all of those amazing things.
If you have cold showers in the morning you get more energetic and focused, but if you have them at night, say one hour before bed, you actually improve your chances of having a “sleep like a log” kind of experience (I totally thought that it made you more awake?). That is if you don’t interrupt your brain with blue light from your phone, computer and tv. But I usually lay down in front of the TV after my cold shower and I still sleep like I haven’t slept for days. It’s all so cool. If you are interested in this you have to read her article, it will give you so much more than I can explain! Like how cold showers actually effect and improve brain-function and even brain damage. Everything that she does is founded by her readers and listeners through crowd founding. This is the sort of shit I want to support! So today, a casual Thursday like this, I give you the gift of Rhonda Patricks. If she ever read this: Thank You for sharing your knowledge!
I run past these crazy people every morning I run. 7.30am in 10(°C). They obviously get it!
Yesterday, my intention was to try and figure out how my parents have affected the way I think and behave today. But then I got so excited about describing my dad with words that I got lost. I can talk about that silent man, that introvert carriage riding spirit, forever. But recently I’ve started to understand that our unconscious carry a lot of blocks, “knowledge” and habits passed on from our parents. It’s interesting when you just ask the questions: how did your parents view money, health, the aim of life, how they deal with anger, sadness, depression. We’ve inherit so much more than just the obvious behaviours. Maybe we haven’t just inherited, it can affect us in other ways. Block our energy, make us feel guilt, shame or happiness when we do, feel or experience certain things because of how our parents have acted around those subjects.
For me, I’ve recently been investigating how my parents thoughts and behaviour with and around money have affected me. We have never had a lot of money, but we have never not had enough either. My parents have both worked full-time jobs, that they haven’t necessarily felt super passionate about, but they rarely complain about having to go to work. It’s just something you do, without contemplating it, because you have to pay the bills. Neither of them care about material things, nice brands, show off cars or anything luxurious. I’ve got a feeling that they either think that you have love, time for your family and friends or financial freedom (with outlier situations). My dad “gave up” his lawyer job so that he could spend time with the family. Because of the way they didn’t value good brands or material things, I’ve created a feeling of guilt for wanting certain things. Sometimes I might want something, for them unnecessary’ but instead of feeling happy when I finally talked my way into getting it; I always felt guilty because I knew that my parents would be happier if I didn’t want whatever I wanted. I remember vividly how bad I wanted a tamagotchi. My parent’s told me that it’s just commercial shit (without using the word shit), and that I shouldn’t fall for the advertising. But everyone had one. So I made my own in paper. And I played with it. My mum thought that that was so cute, and for my next birthday; which wasn’t too far away, I got my real tamagotchi. I remember acting happy. But I felt so guilty for having made them go against what they believed was right. I obviously didn’t understand why I felt guilty then, but thinking about it now make me realise that that’s why.
These thought patterns about having to work at a job you might not love in order to pay the bills has followed me all throughout my life. Working so that I can be “free” on weekends and holidays. That is when I truly live. Just acknowledging how and why I believe certain things and bringing it back to how my parents acted around those things make me realise that I can actually do my own thing. I don’t have to adopt their thoughts and ways. Not all of them. There are a lot of things I want to duplicate as well. Like the way they talk to children; like they matter and understand everything, the way they always believed that children can teach adults a lot, their unconditional love and interest in their children, and how they always, in every situation put us first. I want my dads patience. He helped me study, sat down with me for hours from the day I sat my foot in school to the day I twelve years later jumped out of my high school for the last time. But when I sometimes feel guilt, or that my energies are blocked somewhere, I go back and ask what my parents thought about that and see if I’ve unconsciously duplicated a behaviour or thought-pattern that actually isn’t align with the life I want to live.
I love food. Most of us do. Just everything with food make me all excited inside. Melbourne is seriously the best place to live in if you like your food. I can talk about it forever. How mr Miyagi’s nori tacos make me want to slap myself in the face because they are so delicious. And their tempura broccoli. And supernormals lobster slider. The stake at rock pool. Eggplant fries at Leftbank. Matcha mylkbars vegan eggs and the orgasmic artichoke mousse balls at Movida. Just thinking about this make me feel all light headed. Fuck, that China bar buffet in Springvale. OMG.
As amazing as all the Melbourne food is, around my blowouts I try to eat rather clean. I fight many battles in my head, on a daily basis. My brain tells me what I shouldn’t eat, and my body asks for what it needs. I can wake up being happy with my body and go to bed and see a million faults with it. But the more I learn, the more happily I talk to myself and the more love I give my body, the voices of doubt and negativity gets lower.
I do work out a lot, and that makes me hungry. Sometimes I look at what other people eat and I compare it to what I eat and I feel like a rhino. I often think what I can cut out from my diet to shred that extra bit. But then I think what my idea life is. And the most important factor in my ideal life is energy and happiness. I love to feel energetic, I love to workout and I love to eat. Food gives me the potential of being the most energetic version of myself and when I start cutting, obsessing and valuing looks over happiness I fail my ideal life. How I look is important to how I feel, but instead of changing my body and thinking that a shitty percentage less body fat will make me happy, I have to work on being happy with that tiny bit of fat on my body. Because that’s normal. I’ve been super skinny many times, and I’ve never had any energy. I haven’t lived. I know that skinny isn’t happy, so why do I want to be skinny? The thing is that I’m actually happy with my body. I just have a few voices in my head telling me that I can be even happier, if I just… I just have a feeling that those voices aren’t going to bring me any more happiness. They are only going to guide me to a place with less energy, more obsessions and less happiness. It’s funny how you can be happy with your body, and sort of want to change it at the same time.
At the end of the day I eat to nourish my body. I eat to condition my body and give it all the building blocks that it needs to stay strong, energetic, happy, healthy. I eat because I love what I eat. I eat clean, raw and nutrient dense things because I know that is what my body want, and not what my brain craves. I also eat carrots.