I’ve started to untangle this thing called ego and I realised that I haven’t quite identified my dedicated life companion. As I sat down to research what the ego actually is I came across this article that explained it in a way that really resonated with me (linked below). I felt as if allowed me to hold my ego in front of me and actually see what it was. The ego is everything that we believe that we are. It is our whole belief structure.
My ego is what makes me insecure in certain situations; it is it what compares who I am and what I look like with others. It is the belief that if what I do isn’t perfect – it is worth nothing. Bullshit, right?
All egos work in different ways; it has made up different stories about who we are and have to be in society. My ego need to be liked, it cares about what people think of me more than it cares about what I think of me.
My ego tells me that I cannot do what other people can do, and if I can it let me know that there are many people out there that can do what I want to do and love to do better than me. It also tries to constantly make me feel as if I am not liked, as if people doesn’t really want to be around me, as if I’m in the way. Another interesting craving my ego plants in my mind is that I need to tweak my brain to fit in and become a better and more likable human and for that it reaches for drugs like alcohol, coffee and other chemicals. It is telling me that I will become a better person or have a better time if I only…. escape the present moment, tweak it or at least blurr it a little.
My ego has made me believe that all other people, in the world, has like a collective opinion of me
My ego tells me that if things aren’t now they never will be and people will always think of me in the same way. But when I think about it that doesn’t make sense at all. My ego has made me believe that all other people, in the world, has like a collective opinion of me as someone weak, silly, annoying and lost; but all people cannot have the same opinion of me, so that must be my ego telling me stories that I naively believe. What I believe that people think of me is just my ego telling me that that’s the truth when in fact there are as many individual opinions of me as there are people I’ve met and no matter how many opinions there are of me – only the authentic me know if they are true to me or not. My ego then want to justify to the world why I am who I am and make people understand me, but the authentic me have no interest in that. My authentic self is calm and need no justification.
And, my ego once made me believe that I was never going to love myself because there was nothing to love, that I was always going to feel lost, always going to feel wrong and never going to find a calm and purpose within. It also told me that I was never going to be loved, but now I am. And, I do love myself. I know that I only want love for everyone in this world. I want the best for everyone whatever that may look like for them, and that is something worth loving. I do feel lost sometimes, but when I look within and connect to what my authentic self want to be and achieve in life I feel on track and safe again because then I am connected to my inner calm and purpose.
The ego might make you think that everything will always be the same but there is also a contrasting source within you that is trying to make you live beyond the structures of the ego. Every time that source reaches beyond the egos limitations you realise that those beliefs were false. Isn’t that reason enough to question everything you think and believe about who you are and what you are capable of?
My ego works hard to try to make me believe that what I truly want to achieve I cannot. Looking back at how many times I have proved my ego wrong I will now attempt to distance myself even further from my own personal limit and doubt maker and just do what the real me wants and needs to do.
Want to read more? here is the article I found (or it found me?) http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/2013/02/26/what-is-the-ego/