Tag Archives: Ego

SIGNED, SEALED & Free the girl – Ready to be delivered!

Get it here (only available as an E-book at this stage, hard-copy lovers have to wait a few weeks. The only difference will be that the E-book contains photos the hard copy lack):

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B074GV3DPZ or

https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B074GV3DPZ

Free the girl can easily be described as a letter to my teenage self from an older sister! I’m sharing my journey to hopefully make hers make more sense a little quicker.

In this book I give you the story of my destructive ego getting silenced by love, craziness, common sense, hope and a lot of stubbornness. You will go along for a trip to emotion-land, with me and maybe learn a new way of interacting with, and get to know yourself. It is a heavy read, but also filled with a lot of light, fun, “is this actually true?”, honesty and questions for you to reflect over.

Today, almost 10 years after starting it I am finally able to publish, move on with my life BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY – help young girls (and boys) out there who have lost the ability/forgot how to love & respect themselves.

After completing this book I know this about my life;

I have never, ever, in my life done anything this properly. I didn’t actually think that I had it in me. Or, let me rephrase that; I always knew I could do things properly – I just didn’t think that I would ever feel bothered to put in that extra work into something to make it the best. I have always settled with the first ok or good result to then rejected it out of my life like a little deer child. For the first time in my life I feel that I have done the absolute best I can in producing something I am proud of. That doesn’t mean that I am not scared of showing the result. It feels very revealing; because now, I share with you my absolute best! And, I am presenting you the hardest times of my life and my thoughts about how I could’ve made my life a bit or a lot lighter.

Free the girl – a story about (finding) self-love is out there for you, or for that teenage cousin of yours who seem to be a little more down that you think she/he has to be, to read.

This book is a perfect tool for parents who have teenagers that might seem a bit down, are drinking too much, battling with eating disorders, lack of self love or who might just need a bit of perspective on life. It is a perfect book to have and communicate through with your teenager (and they will most likely love it too since it is written in a raw but still optimistic language).

 

ALL THE THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (also to be found in the book)

I am filled with a lot of gratitude to all the people who have encouraged me to keep working on this book when I sometimes doubted if I am actually the right person to shine light on these self-destructive subjects. Today, thanks to all of you, I know that I am, because I feel so much for everything I share in this book, and I truly wish that it will end up in the hands of those who feel a lot, and those who know people who feel. A lot.

THANK YOU Adrian who I have accused of not believing in my capability of actually finishing something (which I realised when writing this, is just my own fear of not being capable, and my own self doubt projected). Thank you for pushing me to create something that inspires and feels good, even though my story is quite heavy.

Thanks to my brothers for letting me share our story, through my experience and to use your documentation.

Thank you Mum for providing me with so many emotional drawings (some I heard you drew balling your eyes out) and being able to stay positive, never blaming me for treating you like shit and holding my behaviour against me – because you always knew that I had, and always will, have endless love for you.

Amber Weller & Zandra Zbinden for thoroughly going through and helping me see things with a new, educated perspective.

Anthony Ross for helping me realize how shit the book once was, which made me step up and not just lazily reject it, like I normally do – before I had actually put in the hard work of editing it properly!

Temi Katonis, Tali Morgan, Isabel Westrup & Ellika Fenno for reading this in it’s early stages and give me some really good feedback and confidence to the story.

I have to give my biggest thank to someone I have never met in person but who has taught me so much about the art of writing and composing a book; Honey Reither, who I would’ve never gotten in contact with if it wasn’t for beautiful, wonderful and supportive Josephine Tang. Thank you too for helping me see and feel the value of my book and believing that it will truly help all the lost souls out there! Sometimes I almost think that you don’t live on this earth….

I also feel as if I should thank my dad for something too …for just raising a thunderstorm child without letting it get to him (almost at all).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When being wrong is right

As I’m getting more and more open to changes in my life I read and hear things with a new kind of light. I used to hear only what I wanted to hear and fight off everything else. It was as if I was taught not to listen, which is random because listening was all my parents ever wanted me to do while they made it clear that they would also listen to me and my brothers.

To a point we can only understand what we are open to understand and hear. We can only use information that we are open to receive. Some information might just pass though us, unprocessed, like some kind of fibre if we don’t have the right tools to break down and use the goodness in them. We grow up and what we know is all we know – it’s all the tools that we’ve got to take shit in.

The most important thing I’ve learnt this week is that only when I accept that I might not have all the answers all the time and that I don’t have to be right in all situations – that’s when I can open up, learn and widen my inner and outer world. The horizon grow so much bigger, right in front of my eyes, the minute I accept that I’m not right and that I can learn something in every situation. There is no win in being right because you won nothing new to you. It is when you admit that you are wrong and learn to see something new you have really won something!

It is hard, sometimes painful, to admit that I am not right. The hardest part is to let it go – it being any sort of argument or truth that I am holding on to for god knows what reason. It is an act of the ego that wants people to believe that I am sitting on the truth. I gain some kind of respect, I believe, if I know something that other people don’t. But what do I gain from telling people what I know? Respect? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am not gaining any new knowledge. By constantly being “in the right” I never allow myself to move forward and grow – which is the whole point of living and evolving.

It is a beautiful, peaceful art to be able to silence the ego and listen with a truly open mind, willing to learn and grow from each moment and every conversation rather than using every situation as a performance to outsmart and show off what you believe that you know for sure that other people don’t. It will not get me anywhere, and that is kind of cool to realise and be aware of. Off we go.

I’m breaking up with my ego

I’ve started to untangle this thing called ego and I realised that I haven’t quite identified my dedicated life companion. As I sat down to research what the ego actually is I came across this article that explained it in a way that really resonated with me (linked below). I felt as if allowed me to hold my ego in front of me and actually see what it was. The ego is everything that we believe that we are. It is our whole belief structure.

My ego is what makes me insecure in certain situations; it is it what compares who I am and what I look like with others. It is the belief that if what I do isn’t perfect – it is worth nothing. Bullshit, right?

All egos work in different ways; it has made up different stories about who we are and have to be in society. My ego need to be liked, it cares about what people think of me more than it cares about what I think of me.

My ego tells me that I cannot do what other people can do, and if I can it let me know that there are many people out there that can do what I want to do and love to do better than me. It also tries to constantly make me feel as if I am not liked, as if people doesn’t really want to be around me, as if I’m in the way. Another interesting craving my ego plants in my mind is that I need to tweak my brain to fit in and become a better and more likable human and for that it reaches for drugs like alcohol, coffee and other chemicals. It is telling me that I will become a better person or have a better time if I only…. escape the present moment, tweak it or at least blurr it a little.

My ego has made me believe that all other people, in the world, has like a collective opinion of me

My ego tells me that if things aren’t now they never will be and people will always think of me in the same way. But when I think about it that doesn’t make sense at all. My ego has made me believe that all other people, in the world, has like a collective opinion of me as someone weak, silly, annoying and lost; but all people cannot have the same opinion of me, so that must be my ego telling me stories that I naively believe. What I believe that people think of me is just my ego telling me that that’s the truth when in fact there are as many individual opinions of me as there are people I’ve met and no matter how many opinions there are of me – only the authentic me know if they are true to me or not. My ego then want to justify to the world why I am who I am and make people understand me, but the authentic me have no interest in that. My authentic self is calm and need no justification.

And, my ego once made me believe that I was never going to love myself because there was nothing to love, that I was always going to feel lost, always going to feel wrong and never going to find a calm and purpose within. It also told me that I was never going to be loved, but now I am. And, I do love myself. I know that I only want love for everyone in this world. I want the best for everyone whatever that may look like for them, and that is something worth loving. I do feel lost sometimes, but when I look within and connect to what my authentic self want to be and achieve in life I feel on track and safe again because then I am connected to my inner calm and purpose.

The ego might make you think that everything will always be the same but there is also a contrasting source within you that is trying to make you live beyond the structures of the ego. Every time that source reaches beyond the egos limitations you realise that those beliefs were false. Isn’t that reason enough to question everything you think and believe about who you are and what you are capable of?

My ego works hard to try to make me believe that what I truly want to achieve I cannot. Looking back at how many times I have proved my ego wrong I will now attempt to distance myself even further from my own personal limit and doubt maker and just do what the real me wants and needs to do.

Want to read more? here is the article I found (or it found me?)  http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/2013/02/26/what-is-the-ego/