Tag Archives: freedom

#Metoo

#Metoo.

One of the most beautiful things with this movement is, for me personally, the feeling of release and relieve of seeing people let go of their own shame and guilt –  with pride.

It might sound tragic to see beauty in the unity of something raw and wrong, but in some way it seem to ease that pressure I’ve carried around on my chest. That pressure that comes from wishing that I would have made “better” choices in life, and that pressure that comes from believing that because of my past I will never feel complete; that I fucked up and it’s not reversible.

Sharing what we are ashamed of leads to a combined realization that there is nothing to be ashamed of, not from our side. Sharing what we are feeling ashamed of is finally helping us, and others, to let go of that useless shame. That pressure. over the chest.

Me too have things to share, things that I today find it hard to speak of. It’s not so much what others have done to me, but what I’ve done to myself. I am ashamed of the fact that I’ve been weak. I’m ashamed of the fact that I’ve been sacrificing love for nothing other than misery. I’ve sacrificed love for friends, family and myself and for that I feel so guilty. I’m ashamed of the fact that I didn’t allow myself to ever feel like a worthy human – and what I, through that mindset, put myself through.

To me, its not just about sharing what people have done to us, although for so many that is the biggest pressure many are carrying around. For me it is about realizing that you and I are worth living life without guilt for the past or anxiety for the future no matter who or what we have been through.

I constantly try to share my demons, so that someone out there might be able to relate and get that pressure of their chest, if only for a minute – because I know how valuable that minute can be. That minute of realising that you are not alone. That minute of completely feeling that who you are is who you are and that will never change so whatever your past is carrying – it doesn’t have to have anything to do with the rest of your life. That minute of feeling that right here and right now – all is good.

There is a lot of anger attached to this movement. A lot of blame. And although I do wish that people who have exposed others to fear, shame and guilt really feel that guilt for themselves so that they can share and educate others on how to avoid it, (through respect and care(!)) I believe that the most important thing here is to realise that this type of shame that us, mostly woman, put ourselves through, is in fact shit and useless and I think that everybody who share things that they’re carrying all by themselves in order to help others should be so proud. Because sharing really is caring. Relating is fantastically supporting and it is really what this world needs.

It is in fact the main reason to why I wrote the book Free the girl; so that those girls out there who are ashamed of how they treat and think of their own bodies and minds can find someone to relate to, and realise that they are not alone. And then, through that experience they can see how one person realised that being ashamed, full of self hate for simply being a human is not at all what life is about. With my shame and guilt they are given one of many perspectives on how to break free from that destructive mental prison. It is my way of helping. My way of sharing. So yes, Metoo – in more than one way.

If you would like to get my book, you can get it here:

   https://www.amazon.com/Free-Girl-story-finding-self-love-ebook/dp/B074GV3DPZ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503383002&sr=8-1&keywords=free+the+girl+a+story+about+finding 

Either order it to your tablett or as a hard copy.

SIGNED, SEALED & Free the girl – Ready to be delivered!

Get it here (only available as an E-book at this stage, hard-copy lovers have to wait a few weeks. The only difference will be that the E-book contains photos the hard copy lack):

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B074GV3DPZ or

https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B074GV3DPZ

Free the girl can easily be described as a letter to my teenage self from an older sister! I’m sharing my journey to hopefully make hers make more sense a little quicker.

In this book I give you the story of my destructive ego getting silenced by love, craziness, common sense, hope and a lot of stubbornness. You will go along for a trip to emotion-land, with me and maybe learn a new way of interacting with, and get to know yourself. It is a heavy read, but also filled with a lot of light, fun, “is this actually true?”, honesty and questions for you to reflect over.

Today, almost 10 years after starting it I am finally able to publish, move on with my life BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY – help young girls (and boys) out there who have lost the ability/forgot how to love & respect themselves.

After completing this book I know this about my life;

I have never, ever, in my life done anything this properly. I didn’t actually think that I had it in me. Or, let me rephrase that; I always knew I could do things properly – I just didn’t think that I would ever feel bothered to put in that extra work into something to make it the best. I have always settled with the first ok or good result to then rejected it out of my life like a little deer child. For the first time in my life I feel that I have done the absolute best I can in producing something I am proud of. That doesn’t mean that I am not scared of showing the result. It feels very revealing; because now, I share with you my absolute best! And, I am presenting you the hardest times of my life and my thoughts about how I could’ve made my life a bit or a lot lighter.

Free the girl – a story about (finding) self-love is out there for you, or for that teenage cousin of yours who seem to be a little more down that you think she/he has to be, to read.

This book is a perfect tool for parents who have teenagers that might seem a bit down, are drinking too much, battling with eating disorders, lack of self love or who might just need a bit of perspective on life. It is a perfect book to have and communicate through with your teenager (and they will most likely love it too since it is written in a raw but still optimistic language).

 

ALL THE THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (also to be found in the book)

I am filled with a lot of gratitude to all the people who have encouraged me to keep working on this book when I sometimes doubted if I am actually the right person to shine light on these self-destructive subjects. Today, thanks to all of you, I know that I am, because I feel so much for everything I share in this book, and I truly wish that it will end up in the hands of those who feel a lot, and those who know people who feel. A lot.

THANK YOU Adrian who I have accused of not believing in my capability of actually finishing something (which I realised when writing this, is just my own fear of not being capable, and my own self doubt projected). Thank you for pushing me to create something that inspires and feels good, even though my story is quite heavy.

Thanks to my brothers for letting me share our story, through my experience and to use your documentation.

Thank you Mum for providing me with so many emotional drawings (some I heard you drew balling your eyes out) and being able to stay positive, never blaming me for treating you like shit and holding my behaviour against me – because you always knew that I had, and always will, have endless love for you.

Amber Weller & Zandra Zbinden for thoroughly going through and helping me see things with a new, educated perspective.

Anthony Ross for helping me realize how shit the book once was, which made me step up and not just lazily reject it, like I normally do – before I had actually put in the hard work of editing it properly!

Temi Katonis, Tali Morgan, Isabel Westrup & Ellika Fenno for reading this in it’s early stages and give me some really good feedback and confidence to the story.

I have to give my biggest thank to someone I have never met in person but who has taught me so much about the art of writing and composing a book; Honey Reither, who I would’ve never gotten in contact with if it wasn’t for beautiful, wonderful and supportive Josephine Tang. Thank you too for helping me see and feel the value of my book and believing that it will truly help all the lost souls out there! Sometimes I almost think that you don’t live on this earth….

I also feel as if I should thank my dad for something too …for just raising a thunderstorm child without letting it get to him (almost at all).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prison or Freedom?

Feelings come and they go, some scare or ruff me up a little and some make me feel like magic is to be alive. I think that I have been able to identify the past couple of months episode of anxiousness and flatness. Don’t get me wrong – it’s nothing constant. Most of the time I have faith and belief in myself that I am on the right track doing my thing, but sometimes it just feels like it is taking forever. When I start feeling like that, like it is taking too long to get on to the road I want to be on and I find it hard to feel as if I’m actually on the right track. I simply start questioning if I’ve got it in me.
The thing is that I know that I am doing the right thing but I think that I might need some help and I don’t know where to find it. Yet. I know that it will find me or I will find it, but then I start to question if it will or if there is more I can do. There is always more you can do, but how do you know what to do when you don’t know what to do?

I thought about prison the other day and I can understand how some people find it easier to live in there because they would know exactly what’s expected of them. If they don’t live up to it – someone will make them understand what it is that they need to do. The same concept can be found in schools and in a normal 9-5 job that you are expected to attend to. In a way that is a little bit like a prison too. If you just look at the structure of it – it is a prison, or at least a life with one of those GPS things around your ankle. It doesn’t mean that you cannot like it – I loved school for example because then and there I knew what I had to do know if I was on the “right” track. My grades told me if what I was doing was working. School didn’t prepare me for a life outside of these structures though, most likely because the people who create the school programs live a life by these rules too. Maybe they like it, maybe they don’t – that’s not the point.

Today, the idea of having to be somewhere at a certain time and stay until I’m aloud to leave gives me anxiety. But so does being where I am at the moment – because I have no guarantee that I am capable of being independent, I have no grades that shows me if what I am doing is working. I am scared of the unknown and I am scared that I am too lazy to think and act for myself but at the same time I am even more scared of the thought of knowing what my days will look like for the rest of my life. I am not interested in numbers and businesses and I am not interested in being in charge of people. I am not interested in advertising myself. What I am interested in is this – what I am doing right now, in this moment when I am writing this – this is what makes my time fly.

So yes, I have identified my source of anxiety, I think, and that feels relievingly great. It is called uncertainty, which is a form of lack of confidence, and I believe that the only thing that I can do to help myself out of this is to keep on keepin on and make sure that I am moving forward with what I am passionate about. At least when I feel that uncertainty and anxiety of not knowing if I’m doing the right thing I know that I am not in prison, because if I was, I would know exactly what was expected of me. In the end, my anxiety from having to be somewhere every day is much scarier than the anxiety of not knowing where to be at all.

My inspiration to do good

I look back at times and see what my reality was like and I wish for nobody to feel that obsessed with being perfect and accepted. It’s simply a distraction from what life is really all about. Being happy, enjoy, learn and share moments with people you can do all of that with. LAUGH for goodness sake. Maybe it is a journey that is so different for everyone that sharing my mistakes isn’t near enough. Because in the end, the things that I suddenly realized people had told me over and over again, and I had listened but not felt and truly made the connection inside me that what they were saying was the truth.

You cannot change something overnight unless you feel the change inside you. I believe that you can be inspired by changes and shifts within and the more inspired you are to make good changes the closer to that emotional shift you will get. It’s more than frustrating sometimes when you try so hard but don’t feel what you want to feel, but that’s where faith and trust are so important. Believe that if you just keep reaching for that peace of mind you want to feel, you will get there in time.

I thought that I should share some sources of inspirations that I have, who has taught me a lot about health, freedom, dreams and love. I believe that listening to them has conditioned me so that now I can experience this love for myself and the world, and finally, after so many years of war in my head, have a peace of mind.

Miki Agrawal – FUCK! Her and her twin sister are the coolest girls I am inspired by at the moment. I have just finished Miki’s book “Do cool shit” and it made my mind spin, my inspiration flourish and my hunger for doing amazing shit in this world spike. She is genuine, loving, forgiving, honest, creative, driven, sharing, caring and so inspiring. INSPIRATION, ACTION, EMPATHY

Tony Robbins – He is actually one of the most inspiring persons out there and I love listening to him when I feel stuck, because it always inspire me to take some actions towards being who I want to be and doing what I want to do. ACTIO

Rhonda Patricks – investigates everything that has to do with longevity. Instead of focusing on weight loss and transforming your body she focuses on how nutrition and exercise affects your mind and body – within. She is so passionate about feeding your body the best so that you can make the most out of your life. HEALTH and CURIOSITY

Joe Rogan – I love that he has created a platform where he can be free and curious. No-one can tell him how to act, what to say or not to say. His job is to be as much himself as he possible can, and that is my biggest goal. His podcasts are so interesting since he always interviews people who are one of the best in their fields and he ask them the exact questions that I am interested in. I love that he doesn’t follow any rules or restrictions. FREEDOM and CURIOSITY

Wim Hof – His method has changed my life and health amazingly. Now my whole family are breathing and cold showering like mad people. HEALTH

Robert Castillo – I really enjoy listening to Robert talking about the purpose of life when I feel anxious. You know that feeling when you feel semi guilty about doing fuck all or maybe feeling like you aren’t doing anything “important” with your life but in that moment you simply need to just breath. Listen to Robert and understand that life is perfect just the way it is, even when you feel sad or angry, frustrated or extremely happy. He talks in a way that make me realise that everything I feel and do are for a good reason. When we try to control things, that’s when we start to create our own problems. Live and let life flow the way it is supposed to. LOVE

Don’t commit yourself out of life!

For a long time I have tried to control everything that happens in my life and the people in it. I want to plan out my days based on time. “When am I doing this?” is the most common question in my head waking up, and the more exact my plans can be, the calmer I have believed that I get. I used to feel calm if I could squeeze in all the shit I didn’t really want to do, but thought I had to do, before people woke up. So I sat my alarm on five to lift weights in the dark (just to get my metabolism going, and study). It wasn’t that I really felt like working out every morning. I just thought that I had to. It wasn’t until I stopped stressing about working out and diet shit that I could feel happy with my body. Actually.

Life happens all the time. It doesn’t listen to my plans. But for so long I haven’t lived in the flow of life because I have been so absorbed in following my plans and holding my integrity intact. If I say that I am doing something – I get stressed and feel like I am not a good person if I don’t do what I have committed myself to do. Right?

What if the flow of life isn’t aligned with what I have decided to do? What if life didn’t listen to me planning what I will do for the rest of the week on the hour? What if I fail to do shit I have committed to do and people think that I’m not a worthy person?

Or more tragic, what if life happens and I don’t live in actual life because I am too caught up in living after my commitments?

Emotions are amazing. They indicate life. I want to leave my agenda free so that I see what life is offering. Sometimes thoughts can deceives us and make us believe that they are emotions. Something that most of us need to be actively aware of. They might make us think that we really need to do something in order to achieve the next level of happiness. We think that if we do this or that, achieve this or that we will feel more happy with who we are. But if that is a happiness only reached by achievements then that will create stress within since we will believe that we can only reach that kind of happiness through improving who we are. In a sense that means that we need to constantly do things to be happy. That to me sounds stressful. I mean, I want to do a lot of things, but I don’t want to do things just to prove to myself or any other person that I can do them. I don’t want to do things just because I have said I will do them.

I want to do things because I feel like that is what is right to do right now. I want to listen within and see if I am already happy and excited to do these things, not just happy after I have achieved them. I want to grow through learning from real life. I want to wake up every day feeling like I am free and happy and then do the things that the flow of life has sat out for me to do. Not what I have planned in my calendar.

F R E E D O M I S E V E R Y T H I N G !

F R E E D O M !

tandare

I’ve taken some time of work this January. I need to focus on myself, my dreams and… my life. For over a week I have done nothing and everything I’ve wanted. Writing articles. Writing on my book that I am aiming to publish my march this year. It is easy to become a victim of money. It is easy to let your income set the rules for your life. But if I don’t take time off to focus on my dream projects then how will they actually come true?

Deep down in the core of my soul I know that writing is my way of expression. It is how I can share myself with the world. It is how I feel like I am a part of the world. There are a lot of rules with writing. And a lot of opinions. What I have realized so far is that to me only the positive opinions matter. I can’t get stuck in listening to the critical voices because in the same way I won’t let anyone change me and how I choose to behave I will not let anyone change how I choose to express myself.

I am ok with people not liking my way of writing. I don’t follow the rule book so there will be people who believe that I should correct myself, put myself in line. There is always going to be people that will tell me to write more “correct”. That is just the way it is. This world is full of close-minded people who only appreciate what things should be like. Things that follows certain rules. I appreciate things that are created from raw emotions. And emotions don’t follow any rules. They can be totally fucked up, and still they don’t cease to exist just because somebody is under the impression that they are wrong and don’t follow the rules. Many people appreciate honesty too, and freedom. I love that. That is why I am writing. I write for myself because when I write with no rules I feel free. And I write for those who want to believe in freedom too.