Tag Archives: happiness

From Nothing to Everything!

https://www.thiswomancan.org/nothing-to-grateful-experience-everything/

I wrote this article, for www.thiswomancan.org, about my journey from being stuck in a place, in a body, in a mindset full of hate and ungratefulness into a journey of seeing what I have,  finding love for myself and my body and finally everything life throws at me (even though I cant always see it and feel it strait away)

I found myself frustrated again, feeling that life wasn’t treating me right. I felt like I was doing everything “right” but got nothing out of it and I sat with this feeling of failing when I remembered how I, for so many years, never believed that I could love and be loved at the same time – today I do love someone who does love me back. I remembered how I never believed that I could ever eat without guilt and feel love and peace for my own body – today I feel happier than ever to live in my own skin and food is magical to me. I have actually learnt to communicate and feel my body and I can tell what it needs which to me, is completely mind-blowing.

Reed the whole article here: https://www.thiswomancan.org/nothing-to-grateful-experience-everything/

The Butterfly Foundation

In my search for things to do with and in my life, that will make me feel as if I am doing something that is spreading good, love and happiness in this world I came across The Butterfly Foundation. It is an eating disorder organization and they work with boys and girls who are and have lived through an eating disorder. They also work with basically anyone who need support in this area such as families, care takers, partners etc. I love how this organization work, through sharing stories with purpose and through the stories generate hope and community.

Through attending The Butterfly Foundations story telling workshop I learned a lot about myself and others, and I learned that there are so many genuinely nice and caring people out in this world who are spending all their lives trying to help others go through what they’ve been through themselves.

This experience left me truly inspired and hopeful to find a path for myself as I now know that such places exist! Last but not least, it left me with a feeling of excitement that this is also what the world can be like; a world where we simply care for others and do our job to help where help is needed. It is such a beautiful thing to be in a room with people who genuinely just care about others. <3

Here is a link to my story:

https://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/understand-eating-disorders/share-your-story/stories/view/57 

SIGNED, SEALED & Free the girl – Ready to be delivered!

Get it here (only available as an E-book at this stage, hard-copy lovers have to wait a few weeks. The only difference will be that the E-book contains photos the hard copy lack):

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B074GV3DPZ or

https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B074GV3DPZ

Free the girl can easily be described as a letter to my teenage self from an older sister! I’m sharing my journey to hopefully make hers make more sense a little quicker.

In this book I give you the story of my destructive ego getting silenced by love, craziness, common sense, hope and a lot of stubbornness. You will go along for a trip to emotion-land, with me and maybe learn a new way of interacting with, and get to know yourself. It is a heavy read, but also filled with a lot of light, fun, “is this actually true?”, honesty and questions for you to reflect over.

Today, almost 10 years after starting it I am finally able to publish, move on with my life BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY – help young girls (and boys) out there who have lost the ability/forgot how to love & respect themselves.

After completing this book I know this about my life;

I have never, ever, in my life done anything this properly. I didn’t actually think that I had it in me. Or, let me rephrase that; I always knew I could do things properly – I just didn’t think that I would ever feel bothered to put in that extra work into something to make it the best. I have always settled with the first ok or good result to then rejected it out of my life like a little deer child. For the first time in my life I feel that I have done the absolute best I can in producing something I am proud of. That doesn’t mean that I am not scared of showing the result. It feels very revealing; because now, I share with you my absolute best! And, I am presenting you the hardest times of my life and my thoughts about how I could’ve made my life a bit or a lot lighter.

Free the girl – a story about (finding) self-love is out there for you, or for that teenage cousin of yours who seem to be a little more down that you think she/he has to be, to read.

This book is a perfect tool for parents who have teenagers that might seem a bit down, are drinking too much, battling with eating disorders, lack of self love or who might just need a bit of perspective on life. It is a perfect book to have and communicate through with your teenager (and they will most likely love it too since it is written in a raw but still optimistic language).

 

ALL THE THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (also to be found in the book)

I am filled with a lot of gratitude to all the people who have encouraged me to keep working on this book when I sometimes doubted if I am actually the right person to shine light on these self-destructive subjects. Today, thanks to all of you, I know that I am, because I feel so much for everything I share in this book, and I truly wish that it will end up in the hands of those who feel a lot, and those who know people who feel. A lot.

THANK YOU Adrian who I have accused of not believing in my capability of actually finishing something (which I realised when writing this, is just my own fear of not being capable, and my own self doubt projected). Thank you for pushing me to create something that inspires and feels good, even though my story is quite heavy.

Thanks to my brothers for letting me share our story, through my experience and to use your documentation.

Thank you Mum for providing me with so many emotional drawings (some I heard you drew balling your eyes out) and being able to stay positive, never blaming me for treating you like shit and holding my behaviour against me – because you always knew that I had, and always will, have endless love for you.

Amber Weller & Zandra Zbinden for thoroughly going through and helping me see things with a new, educated perspective.

Anthony Ross for helping me realize how shit the book once was, which made me step up and not just lazily reject it, like I normally do – before I had actually put in the hard work of editing it properly!

Temi Katonis, Tali Morgan, Isabel Westrup & Ellika Fenno for reading this in it’s early stages and give me some really good feedback and confidence to the story.

I have to give my biggest thank to someone I have never met in person but who has taught me so much about the art of writing and composing a book; Honey Reither, who I would’ve never gotten in contact with if it wasn’t for beautiful, wonderful and supportive Josephine Tang. Thank you too for helping me see and feel the value of my book and believing that it will truly help all the lost souls out there! Sometimes I almost think that you don’t live on this earth….

I also feel as if I should thank my dad for something too …for just raising a thunderstorm child without letting it get to him (almost at all).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking responsibility can be relieving

I like to get involved in stuff, and if something makes me happy then I don’t really hold back on it. When I started with Lululemon the company introduced me to a lot of cool ways of finding your inner strength and love. Totally my passion. Figuring out where I want and need to go in this world has always been a big part of being me, as it is most people’s part of being them.

The past couple of weeks though I have experienced this anger towards the company and I am trying to figure out why, because that is not how I want to feel. Through Lululemon I have met friends that I will keep forever and I have been inspired to actually get my shit sorted and live the life I want to live, so why this resentment? What is stopping me from just feeling grateful, because I do feel that too, but it takes a little bit of work to get to those emotions.

Talking about this with a friend in the backroom at work yesterday I realised that the reason to why I feel angry isn’t because I don’t like the company or that they have done me wrong, because they haven’t.

I got frustrated because I tried to find a place in the company where I could actually love being a part of it, but all I was actually doing was figuring out how I could help develop people and express myself with and through my passion. I didn’t  take ownership of the fact that I might have to go off on my own and do what it is that I love and quit using other companies as a safe place and try to make them into my passion when they are not.

Why I felt disappointed and angry was because I didn’t take my responsibility early enough to figure out what it was that I actually wanted to get out of being a part of this company. I didn’t know, and in a way I couldn’t know either without testing the waters. I tried different paths within and I got disappointed when they didn’t work out for me.

Lululemon gave me the tools that I needed to figure myself out and I believed that I needed to be a part of all of it because I wanted to keep on growing. I love the company for the personal development side of it, but to be honest I have never ever had a passion for clothes or shopping in general. The way Lululemon develop people is through the connection of clothes and sales and that is not how I can authentically connect with people or myself. I needed to realise that the responsibility for my self growth is in my own hands, not in the hands of anyone else. I don’t have to be a part of anything to keep growing. I will keep grow within because I want and need to.

I needed to take my responsibility of myself and understand that it the reason to why I stopped growing within the company wasn’t because nobody believed in me, it wasn’t because I didn’t get the support that I needed (although that might have made me stay a bit longer, so now I am happy that I didn’t), it was because I couldn’t invest all of my time and my heart in a business which main business is selling clothes when my passion lies in the opposite direction of any sales business.

In realising that I actually wanted different things from the company than I sometimes believed that I wanted I feel a lot better in my attitude towards it. Because the reality is that I honestly have no idea where my thoughts would be if it wasn’t for all the self development I have had the privilege of doing with Lululemon. Instead of feeling anger about what didn’t happen I feel clarity in knowing why it didn’t happen, and why it didn’t happen is because my passions simply wasn’t aligned with the path that I was traveling on, and I am proud that I dared to make a right turn into a completely new lane for me. I know that I am on the right track. I am so grateful for that.

I’m turning into a hippie, thank god!

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Something happens when you start loving yourself. You care. It’s like all the “whatevers” and “why not’s” turns into questions of why. Why should I do this to myself? Why expose myself to this? And why not do that, if it makes me happy and healthy?

I want to see the love in the world. I want to see health and happiness. I want people to appreciate living and see that they can do whatever they want to do with their lives. I want people to hug and laugh. Forget about stress. Forget about musts. Because most of the time, they are just made up. They are because they are, but they don’t have to be.

Everything I do in my life I do because I want to be happy. I want to explore all the methods I can use in order to elevate my happiness and find peace of mind. I’ve recently started to explore the power of the breath. Joe Rogan had Wim Hof “Iceman Hof” as a guest on his podcast a couple of weeks ago, and listening to what he has achieved with just his breath and exposure to cold is mind-fucking-blowing. I’m talking controlling his immune system, running a barefoot marathon above the polar circle and climbing Mount Everest in his undies. I started to take cold showers maybe 6 months ago and I could really experience all the amazing benefits from it quickly. The energy boost, clearness in my mind and happiness are just a few sensations I feel when exposing myself to the cold water. Wim Hof combines cold therapy with a breathing technique which essentially provides all your cells with oxygen which allows you to really get in contacts with your inner strength and emotional being.

It makes me so happy and full of hope finding out and learning new methods to control and explore my happiness and health. I get excited to breathe. I’ll keep exploring ways that can help me boost my happiness and my love for life. And sharing what I learn make me happy.

I am good enough!

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Am I doing enough or do I need to try harder?

When and how do we know that we are doing enough? I always feel like I could do so much more, but I value time to do nothing a lot as well. I don’t want to be constantly busy. I need balance. I need to pause and breath. Quite often actually. But then I see what other people are up to, I start comparing myself with everyone again and I feel like the laziest person on earth. We can do something to get to where we want to be in every awaken minute of the day, but will that actually take us further than if we do what we feel comfortable with doing? I suppose that this is all aligned with what we value in life. I couldn’t live a life where I work most days and keep working after work, missing out on most dinners with Adrian because I’m chasing some dream, because my dream is also here and now, living our life. If I’m constantly trying to get somewhere, get to the future I’ll miss out on life here and now, and that’s important to me, and to our relationship.

And I know that right now I’m living how I want to live, now, even though I know that in the future I have a dream about something else with Adrian, we will have a big house and fly business class all over the world. You know, so that I can stretch out my restless legs when I’m visiting Sweden three months every year. I’m scared sometimes that I have to choose one or the other. But how do you know? How do you know if what your are putting in is enough? Am I good enough?

I am good enough! We all need to know that. I have doubted myself my whole life, and doubt has been familiar. Doubt has been what I knew. I have never known what it’s like not to doubt. I never thought I was good enough for my friends, I never thought I was good enough for my family, I thought that I had to earn the reason to feel good through perfect grades in school, I didn’t think that I looked good enough. The list goes on and on and on. I realized this listening to Marisa Peer, actually after I started writing this post. I didn’t youtube “how to be good enough”, I just remembered hearing the name and thought I’d see what she was all about. And like the universe works, I got the answers to my questions without even knowing that I was asking. So I am good enough. I don’t have to do anything to earn the right to feel like I’m good enough. I am enough just by being me.

Of course I’ve had a bad body image my whole life. I haven’t thought that I’m good enough if I don’t look a certain way. I’ve compared myself and tried to become someone else because I haven’t felt like I’m good enough the way I am. We live in a society where we are surrounded by people who all talk themselves down. We talk about ourselves like we aren’t good enough. That’s what’s familiar. That’s what’s normal. We grow up surrounded by a reality of people who all think that they aren’t good enough. I say enough to that. I have had enough! My goal in life is to change this, and make it normal to feel like we are all good enough for this world. We don’t have to constantly do, perform, look amazing in order to be enough for this world. We are enough just by being. I am good enough. Yesterday I wrote that on all the mirrors at work, because I want everyone to know that they are enough, just the way they are.

Hard to be open minded

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One thing that I really try to work on is being open-minded. To be honest, I’m quite a closed minded person in most areas of my life, but the more I start to open up to new things and experiences I see that there is more to life than just my square scheduled reality. It is hard for me, to step outside of my everyday pattern, but every time I do so I walk away feeling uplifted and happy with myself.

But then, my square scheduled part of me doesn’t want to step out of my comfortable-ness. To be honest, it’s not like I have heaps of stuff scheduled, I more so have a lot of “scheduled time to do nothing” that I don’t want to loose. I need that time to myself, or at least my comfortable and cozy side of me need that time to do nothing. We have this amazing opportunity at work to go to a life coaching workshop weekend, which just screams “PICK ME PICK ME!!!” all over it, but because it’s a three-day thing where I have to be out in the city until 10pm I just can’t be bothered. Ant that is why I should go, I know. But that so interferes with my scheduling where it says “do nothing” on. Maybe this is super sad. I feel sort of sad when I write it. That I can’t get excited over something so cool, because it interferes with my do nothing time. Fuck it, I should just do it shouldn’t I?

It’s like a constant war going on inside my head between curiosity and safety. And I’m playing my life super safe in all areas, which part of me are sick of, and the other part of me love me for.

But I cannot always let the play it safe part of me win, because I’ll miss out on life. I have to honor my inner curiosity, and nourish it. Otherwise I’ll be one of those autopilot people who forget what it is like to actually live. I can have my routines 90% of the time, but I need to dedicate 10% of my time go to go and live outside of my safe square life. I need that to appreciate my safe place. I need that to live.

So I will do that thing, which hopefully can help figure out how to live and get more out of my life. Or not, but at least I lived out those 10% doing it.

Look after your mind

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I listened to this beautiful TED talk yesterday, about emotional hygiene, and it struck me that we actually never learn how to deal with our emotions. We might get taught how to handle our minds at a later stage in our life, if it’s considered necessary. Like if you act out or get depressed. And when we think it is necessary is when our minds finally have had enough, we cant bare it much longer and it starts to show on the outside. Then society thinks that it’s appropriate to teach you how to deal with your emotions. Not if you are just “normal”. When we are young we get taught that all emotions doesn’t fit in everywhere. We get in trouble if we are angry or sad when we are in public. Happiness is for the public; sadness and anger are for loneliness, when no one is there. Be happy and behave is the common ground for kids, that’s where they all should meet. And in school if you are angry and act out, you get written up and yelled at.

It’s not that crazy to understand why the world is crazy. Guy Winch talks about how we get taught as kids to look after our bodies. Brush our teeth and disinfect and put bandage on wounds, but we never get taught how to take care of our minds. What happens if you feel sad but don’t know why you are sad? Or when you feel lonely even when you are surrounded by people? How do you deal with anger and depression? This is foreign ground for so many of us, and we have to try to figure this shit out ourselves. No wonder so many people self medicate with drugs, alcohol or other obsessions. We get taught to nurse a wound with alcohol and bandages. There must be something similar for emotions, right?

You don’t have to be depressed to benefit from knowing how to take care of your mind. If we brush our teeth twice per day, shower with soap and put lotion on once per day, shouldn’t we do the same to our mind? Clean it our, freshen it up, nurse it.

fighting bad body images

IMG_0375I’ve been thinking about body image lately. And how we view our own bodies. I can only speak for myself here, but I can also relate to how my fellow girls speak about their own bodies, and act around the subject. It’s quite frustrating living in a world, in a society where the body is constantly rated. Good bum, big hips, broad shoulders, love handles, thigh gaps etc. I am constantly aware about how I feel in my body, its always on my mind. Do I feel fat or slim, bloated or relaxed. And maybe it’s good to be aware of how you feel, but when the reason you are aware of your body is because of pure looks, you should probably start being aware of your awareness.

We get taught by society to talk our bodies down. If a girl in my school gave another girl a compliment about her body and she said “thank you” and accepted the compliment without saying something negative about herself, she would be looked upon like she was the most arrogant woman in the world. How fucked up is that? I hear it all the time, working in the fitting rooms at work. You give someone a compliment and they quickly raise the compliment with something they hate about their bodies. How can we make this go away? How can we just agree that the body is just a body, that it’s not a measurement that measure how much you are worth as a human. So many times I let my body decide how I’ll feel and show up. If I feel unhappy with my body I wont relax, I shut down and I feel useless. When I’m happy with my body I can handle almost anything. What would happen if there wasn’t a standard body to correct oneself after. What if we all accepted the beauty in difference? Would we find it easier to just love then?

 

How to act as if…

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In all the happiness books I read there is one thing that you simply can’t miss. They all come back to act as how you want to feel, and act as what you want is already in your possession. No doubts it works. Your body language can trick your brain into feeling happy, sad or whatever you want to feel.

But I find this super hard to do sometimes when I’m down. It’s like my body wants to feel down for a little while. And that’s ok I guess. But then, the contrasts might be so clear for me because of the industry I work in. You simply cannot afford to be grumpy at my job. It’s all about happiness and love. No room for sadness and anger. Maybe this is why I feel so frustrated sometimes, because in so many situations at work I have to make that switch when my body don’t want to?

Another thing is living as if you already have your dreams in your possession. Doing this can make you feel like you are on top of everything. That you can make everything happen. But sometimes it can frustrate the shit out of me. I’m a person who wants answers, and when I don’t have them I sometimes don’t believe that they exist. I mean I know that they do, but how will I get those answers. How will I know what to do? Because sometimes I most surely don’t know.

When reverse engineering dreams or plans or goals it all comes back to actions. Frustration will take us nowhere, if we don’t turn that frustration into grit and hunger. If the smallest actions can take you one step closer to your goal, take them.

Sometimes my goals seem so far away, and I wonder if everything I do is just a wast of time. But then I remember that I should only do the things that I truly enjoy even if they don’t go anywhere. I do things that I’ll look back on and know that even if it didn’t turned out how I was hoping it would I at least enjoyed creating it and working on it. And if you enjoy doing something; it’s never a waste of time!