Tag Archives: live life

Navigate in the present through the future?

I’ve really started to wrap my head around why it is so important to set goals and create a dream vision of your future life. Up until now I only thought that this, goal settings, had to do with some magical force that would give me everything I thought about if I believed in it deep enough. In the back of my mind a voice was always asking me if creating visions and setting goals is to escape the present moment and not live here and now. Is dreaming about the future to not live here and now at all? Here is what I just realized:

There is only here and now, that is true. In this moment all we can do is being, doing and acting with what we have in this moment. Each moment also give birth to a new moment in which we will act with what we have got then and there and so on. To have faith and trust in yourself is to believe, know and feel that in the future present moments I will make the right choices with my up to date knowledge and experiences.

But.. “right” choices for what purpose? What is right and what is wrong?

Well, if you dare to dream big (which everyone should learn how to) and listen to what you truly deeply want out of life, if you know where you want to travel mentally and physically – then you can trust that with knowing where you want to go – you will make the right decisions in every moment towards getting there.

If you have no idea where you are heading – the line between right and wrong can feel quite blurry in the moment and it is hard to know what to do right then and there that will bring you closer to your “ideal life situation” or even just create a present life that you can enjoy. In fact, when you have no idea of where you would love to head in life, there might not even be a right or wrong because you have nothing to measure it by. Everything is right and everything is wrong when you don’t care about where you are heading. You might just do what you do whilst you might ask yourself why “luck” never strikes you, or why you never get any good opportunities in life.

If you feel like that, like life hasn’t got your back and that good things never happen to you- you might have to ask yourself if you do know where you would like to go? Because it isn’t until you know what you want out of life that you will be able to act in the present moment in a way that will move you closer to that goal, you will be able to see opportunities that you probably would miss if you didn’t know where you want to head and you would be able to open up to the possibilities around you.

If you for example wish or dream about feeling amazing, being happy with who you are, having a job you love and enjoy life you have to map out what roads you have to travel for that to happen. You might have to make choices in the moment to look after your health through choosing food that will serve your body and gut and commit to meditate for 10-20 minutes every day. You would have to sit down and figure out what you want in your life that would make you happy, what job would fulfill you? Once you know how you would love to feel in the future it is easier for your present self to figure out what to do in each moment and enjoy the choices that you make.

You rarely feel lost if you know that you are on the right track. It is like navigating with your GPS; it will not know what road to turn on to unless there is a destination to navigate towards. In knowing where you are heading you will also appreciate the road – which we know is life. You will take breaks, fill up your tank, meet people along the way and you will also learn new things about the road and about yourself during the ride. The knew knowledge you open up to by being present in each moment will expand you as a person and transform you into a new person and might even transform your goal, and that is more than ok since life is supposed to be dynamic. We have to always be open to change and listen to what we feel here and now and not be scared to try out a new path but without something to reach towards chances are that we might end up our whole lives on the highway, just going and going without ever really seeing the beautiful life around.

So yes, being present in the moment is vital because if you are not present you are never fully living. But if you never know where you are heading, you will keep living in the same present moment forever- until you know where you want to head.

I know what I need to know

There are a lot of things that I know right now, about my life and the world that is my reality. I know that I have never felt this good in my body simply by learning how to let it rest and listen to what it needs, without constantly trying to control it. I know that I have never had this much confidence in just being myself, even when being myself isn’t being a part of the status quo (finally), simply by saying fuck it and stop trying to imagine what other people think about me. I know that I for the first time believe and trust that my instincts are right and the less I try to control any outcome and plan my life ahead the more abundance I feel. One after another my needs are being met, and I have to be grateful for that. I know that the more I appreciate and see all of this and everything that I have and welcome it in my life the more it will all make sense.

I know that I have taken a big step towards living a life through my passion, leaving my secure job without having an exact plan for how I will get to and land at my next destination, but I knew that I had to do this in order for me to be able to be one hundred precent me.

The only things that I don’t know right now is when, how and where, but that doesn’t matter at all to me, because I don’t have to plan and know everything before it happen. I just have to know what I know and know why I know it. I have to feel that I am on the right track, ready for the next chapter, and I know that I am. That is all I need to know. Now I just do what I know that I am supposed to do, and I trust that everything is working out the way that it is supposed to work out.

This is freedom.

Letting go of what is holding me back

I hear determination, goal chasing, act act act, do do do and you will be happy, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed and scared that I am doing it all wrong. And the more I think that I have to do the less happy I feel.

I am in a transition face in my life at the moment, and it is scaring the shit out of me. I am ready to let go of things that aren’t serving the life I am happy living, things that I feel are holding me back, but when I am doing so I am afraid of falling. I am letting go of trying to control my life and that makes me anxious because in my head control is all that I have got. Letting go of control makes me anxious almost to the point of paralyzation. I know that what I am doing is what I am happy doing, but the comfortable, safe and controlling part of me (my inner critic) is freaking out because for a while I just have to trust that I can manage and live life the way it unfolds, without trying to control any of it. And by doing so I have to trust that I am good enough in my own way. What I have to offer is good enough. What I am doing is good enough. I have to trust that, believe that.

To be honest, for me I am. I believe in me. I love what I do, because it is true to who I am, so why am I scared?

If I don’t let go I will feel safe but unhappy. And if I have to choose from feeling as if I have got everything under control but I am not happy then a happy free falling is what I need to do. I need to do a metaphorical jump out in freedom and trust that I will land wherever I am supposed to land. Most importantly; I have to trust that life wants me to be happy and successful on all levels in my life. I have to believe and have faith in myself, and live in my body, not in my head.

For such a long time I have been making all my decisions based on my thoughts, disconnected from my body. My thoughts have created problem after problem, and scared me away from following my own intuition. I have asked everyone but myself what I should be doing with my life. It is now time to step down from the critical place in my head and let my heart, body and soul guide me through life. I am done with over thinking and controlling. I am ready to feel and be free to follow life as it is, and trust that I am doing what I am meant to be doing.

Feeling lost is scary, but it is also a great resource. It means that you have something to figure out, and it means that you want something even if you might not know what it is that you want yet. Something that I have learnt that helped me a lot in feeling less lost is to practice not comparing myself to other people. I have always felt intimidated with go getters, those who are so determined and know exactly where they need to be and what they need to do. I have felt intimidated because when I compare myself to them I just see the drive that I don’t have.

What I do now is whenever that feeling occurs in my body I ask myself if I would want to live their life (or any other persons life for that matter), would I want their brain instead of mine, would I want to do all the hard work that they are doing? If the answer is yes, I want to live their life exactly the way they are living, putting in exactly the same amount of work as they do, then I would sit down and figure out how to do so. But I am not one of those people who want my whole calendar full, I don’t want to stress and rush around constantly. The moment we start copying what someone else is doing or start doing things just out of comparison to what other people are doing we loose contact with our soul, body and happiness. It is time to live the life we truly want to live and trust that we are good enough to do so.

I did it, and this is just the start! <3

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I did something today that I am feeling super proud of. Something that I feel excited about. And if I wouldn’t have done it I would have kept thinking about it. This made me realise what I want to do in my life. And what I want to do is sharing a message of self love. That’s what this is all about. Caring and loving yourself like you care for others. Because then you can go on living from a place of love.

I realised today that that’s a message I want to send out. And I realised today that every day I want to work towards making young girls and boys see themselves as worthy. There are so many things in the world that needs to be done, but I cannot focus on all of it. Sometimes you have to choose where you would like to make a difference, and for now; this is where I need to be.

I went into a girl school today, speaking to 25 15-16 year old girls about how to find self love. I spoke with them about eating disorders and how I manage to separate myself from that place. I was so nervous before I honestly considered jumping in front of a car to break a leg or something, but I then realised that I’m going to that classroom to tell the girls not to let their inner critic control their lives. So if I let my inner critic control my life I would be a hypocrite and a wannabe. So every little thought of self doubt that appeared in my head I fought off with a strong and encouraging one. I was fencing myself the whole week. My confidence won and I did a really good job. Most importantly, I really spoke from my heart with an intention of making every single girl in that room curious about self love and how to honour themselves. And I felt like I genuinely could share my thoughts.

After I was all shaky. I also felt quite empty. Where do I go from here and how can I do more? How can we make sure we teach the kids that loving themselves is key to respecting yourself and then you can figure out where you want to be in this world. And who you want to be.

This is something I want to be a part of. This is something I am a part of. <3

Hard to be open minded

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One thing that I really try to work on is being open-minded. To be honest, I’m quite a closed minded person in most areas of my life, but the more I start to open up to new things and experiences I see that there is more to life than just my square scheduled reality. It is hard for me, to step outside of my everyday pattern, but every time I do so I walk away feeling uplifted and happy with myself.

But then, my square scheduled part of me doesn’t want to step out of my comfortable-ness. To be honest, it’s not like I have heaps of stuff scheduled, I more so have a lot of “scheduled time to do nothing” that I don’t want to loose. I need that time to myself, or at least my comfortable and cozy side of me need that time to do nothing. We have this amazing opportunity at work to go to a life coaching workshop weekend, which just screams “PICK ME PICK ME!!!” all over it, but because it’s a three-day thing where I have to be out in the city until 10pm I just can’t be bothered. Ant that is why I should go, I know. But that so interferes with my scheduling where it says “do nothing” on. Maybe this is super sad. I feel sort of sad when I write it. That I can’t get excited over something so cool, because it interferes with my do nothing time. Fuck it, I should just do it shouldn’t I?

It’s like a constant war going on inside my head between curiosity and safety. And I’m playing my life super safe in all areas, which part of me are sick of, and the other part of me love me for.

But I cannot always let the play it safe part of me win, because I’ll miss out on life. I have to honor my inner curiosity, and nourish it. Otherwise I’ll be one of those autopilot people who forget what it is like to actually live. I can have my routines 90% of the time, but I need to dedicate 10% of my time go to go and live outside of my safe square life. I need that to appreciate my safe place. I need that to live.

So I will do that thing, which hopefully can help figure out how to live and get more out of my life. Or not, but at least I lived out those 10% doing it.

My control is getting out of control

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It’s starting to occur a lot to me how controlling I actually am. I’ve never really looked at it in that way. I’ve never thought I need control to relax. But I do. I always look at myself and believe that I am totally aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I often say that no one is more aware of everything that is wrong with me than I am, and still I haven’t understood how big my need of control actually is.

It make so much sense though, with an eating disorder passed, which basically is all about self control with rewarding thoughts when I managed not to eat. I thought I left it all behind. But coming to Sweden and being out of my controlled environment, without my routines I really understood how much of a control freak I actually am. Still. At home I have my workout routine, my breakfast routine, I know what I’m doing, when I’m doing it and I don’t think much of it. I love waking up 5am to do a workout and basically living a whole little morning life before the rest of the world wakes up.

I loved the first few jet lag days here in Sweden when we woke up too early and went down to the out door gym and manage to shower and bake bread before the rest of the family woke up. I reward myself for being so active. When people sleep and I am active it makes me feel good. But I’m here in Sweden to hang out with my family and friends. That should be priority one for me. And no one is living that life here. I fought with my brain and family when they want to go out for “late dinners” (7-8pm). I think that I can’t be in bed too late because I want to go up and work out. Which is not why I’m here. So you’d think I could be a little bit more flexible.

The first few days when I went up at 8am, and got down to the gym at 8.30 I stressed. I felt like I was loosing important time. Like the day was slipping through my fingers. And I kept starring at the watch, getting annoyed when people took their time. I was in a constant rush to nowhere really. I’m on vacation, I have no place I have to be and I can’t relax and enjoy a sleep in without hissing like a cat at the people around me. I can’t enjoy a late dinner because I am to stressed of being tired the day after at the gym.

I need to have control over something, and if that is not food, it’s the gym and my work outs. I can’t relax if that part of me isn’t under control. I won’t think a good and happy thought if everything isn’t under control. I need that time in the morning to set myself up for the day ahead. And that’s ok. But not when it prohibits me from actually living my life, spending time with my friends and family and ruins my day if I can’t do my workout one morning.

I haven’t got an answer to how I’ll take control over my controlling needs. But from now on I’ll be more aware of this side of me, so that I hopefully can stop myself when I stop living. When I don’t care about life just so that I can follow my rules and have shit under control. I’ll ask myself If it’s worth getting angry, stressed and upset, practically ruin a morning because I’m at the gym at 9am instead of 7am. After all, I’m preaching the power of choice, how you can choose how you feel, and I want to choose to be a free spirit. And I have some shit to work on in order for that to happen.