Life is a strange happening. Full of them. The happenings. Lately I’ve experienced emotions and thoughts that have taken me away from seeing the beauty in these happenings, or sometimes not even seeing them at all. I’ve seen and experienced a complete pointlessness and that is a scary place to be. These have just been in short bursts, often followed by complete fulfilment of life itself and short after I know exactly what is important to me in life. It is like I am a snake shedding skin. In those moments, when I have finally gotten so tired of what is happening in my mind and body and I am left with a willingness to completely surrender, and I have done just that, surrendered. In thinking FUCK IT, let it come, whatever it is, I’ve felt that the surrendering to whatever have unknotted the knot.
I have understood now that calm comes from not resisting anything. I feel something uncomfortable in my body and I whisper yes to it (like the crazy person I am but it actually makes me feel like weights falling off my shoulders and that friction just seize to exist with every little yes and allowing-ness). I don’t go towards something I go with everything. Just these small changes in how I word for myself what I do and how I live actually make me feel physically different when I… live. I fall back and simply follow, go with, surrender, trust and let gravity deal with the rest. It has given me a huge feeling of lightness and ease.
I was invited to do a writing exercise by one of the most inspiring woman, Claudia Whitney; If I had 365 days to live what would I do.
I would sell everything I own and fly my family here from Sweden to live by my side. We would buy a minibus and drive through Australia like we used to do though Europe when I was young, and stop at fun motels, hotels, and caravan parks. We would explore our mind, bodies and Australia at the same time and I would adopt an old pug that could sit on my lap. We would stop on the road and eat fun meals, and pack lunches where we had the utilities to make it ourselves. I would get massages, swim naked (because it feels so different), smoke a pipe and write great stories about real life and cute people. Stories that could inspire people to appreciate that life is happening here and now, because then I would really live day by day. I would throw away my phone – No I wouldn’t because I love spotify and my hormone apps.
The thing is that this exercise made me realise everything that I really don’t need in life which cleared up a lot about what I do need and what I really do care about. I have been listing to my thought and let them dominate my wants and needs for too long and it is great to understand that the mind thinks that I need everything – new things – all the time, and that I need to do do do, but my body and being need almost nothing to be happy, it only needs to be felt and cared for. My body is saying; be be be.